I stand there and watch him.. His shoulders dropped. I want so bad to reach out.. Yet am afraid..
Am afraid that he is broken.. And it will break me.. Am afraid once i touch him, i will soak in his pain..

’29 years is all he got.. It is the Lord…’ the words of the clergyman are carried away by the wind.
My focus is on him.. I can feel my mood shift.. A storm is raging within me.. i step forward.
The few people separating us can feel my movement. They step aside..

I stretch out my hand.. And everything isn’t the same..

‘Let the family take a handful of soil..’.

Our heads are bowed down.. Women wailing only makes it worse. I can literally touch pain.. brokenness..

‘We will not hold onto the soil.. we will let it go’..
The sound of soil lumps hitting the coffin is the final straw..

We may fight it, but as the sun rises, so will it set..

I hold on tightly to him.. He is silently weeping…. It is the worst feeling to watch someone you love break at your sight.. Yet you can’t do a thing..

I stand there holding on.. It is 2:02 p.m. So far from sunset, yet the sun has sunk.. There’s no light.. There’s nothing..

The clouds are in position.. Sunset is supposed to be beautiful.. A celebration of a sunny day well spent..Yet here we are.. Just in the afternoon.. Watching a storm build up.. With heads bowed down and downcast souls.. Our hands with traces of red soils..
Early sunset is a bitch and sure hurts more than a bitch..

For the sake of your brother

For the sake of your brother, I will hold this candle.. For his consolation, i will walk with my head bowed down…
For the sake of his sanity, i will walk close to him.. For his respect i will come for thy final bow…

For you see, that man you call your brother, is of golden heart. He everything to me. He is a father, a brother, an uncle and above all a friend..

Monday ramblings

The streets of Nairobi are alive again.. It’s Monday morning. The life on the streets isn’t a representation whatsoever of the life in the humans bringing life to the streets..

We are all tired from the weekend. We are dead and sleepy inside. All we want is to crawl back to bed and just sleep our worries away..
I wish life was that easy, but it isn’t.

Someone hitting our shoulders as they pass by or a pickpocket trying to get away with our phones is what reminds us to wake up..
That life is still on. A cup of coffee from either Java House or a five shillings MacCoffee sachet brings us back to life.

Morning people.. Ugh. We definitely want to murder these ones. Who is chatty on a freaking Monday morning?

The weekend is gone, we have to live through Monday and the other 10 days of the week before we get to Friday.
Keep strong my people.. The hustle continues..

This life..

Lately, I’ve become quieter.. There’s something that’s aging in me and I’ve realized being quiet got its perks. I get to observe more.. I get to hear more.. I get to wonder more..

I just stare at people and observe.. Humans inflict pain on each other knowingly.. People will just sit and plan someone’s ruin.. Just like that.

I feel lost in this world. I wonder, think and try to reason it out.. I come up with nothing. Causing anybody pain knowingly is inexcusable.. Somehow though, humans do no get it.

Am lost than i was years ago.. Maybe because then i had no idea what goes on in this life.. Or i was ignorant.. Or i was in denial..

In this life, i do agree pain is inevitable.. But shouldn’t we wait until nature sends the pain.. Like death? Must we be a part of it?

Humans are the most complicated things i ever ran into.. It’s part of life but y’all scare me.. Do we ever sit and wonder how we are affecting others with our actions or words?
I will probably never find out.. Lemme just get through this life.. Hopefully avoid causing people pain and hopefully too be kind to one soul in this world..
Have a kind and considerate week. Think through everything and don’t be selfish..

A day at a time

It has been another year… Yes i turned 105 years and I’ve been having as more thoughts than my years. Most the times it’s a blur.. I’d love to say living to the maximum, but no.. Not even close.
It’s just the days going by.. I am paving my own way in my mind but in reality i just look and feel lost.
It’s a familiar feeling. I’ve come to terms with the fact that maybe I’ll always be a restless soul.. Maybe I’ll just be that person who sits on the ocean side, watching the waves come and go.. Maybe I’ll always be that person who looks into the ocean and feel a longing to get lost into it.. Maybe..

I’ve also thought of roaming the world.. But then how do you do that… Damn.. I gotta earn every penny that i spend.. I don’t feel any pinch whatsoever.. That feeling of being on the road.. With just a bag that got sandals and just a dera in them is worth every dime.. Maybe i will always be that person that the road spells for freedom.. Maybe I’ll always be that restless soul.. Or maybe one day I’ll find home.. Wherever.. I dunno.

Anyway.. I missed this site as always.. ❤️

So God Help me

Of late i’ve become old and cranky not to mention irritable. As i write this i am in one of those moods and am beginning to wonder if am having menopausal symptoms or I have always been like this.

People are annoying the hell of me and am thinking of getting a quiet boring Kikuyu husband and settling down somewhere at the slopes of Aberdares or Mt Kenya. You know i could start farming, hibernate forever and never get out. Alternatively i need to rob a bank and travel the world with earphones and one pair of jeans..
I am not ageing well i believe. I just can’t believe am below 30 because i feel 70.
Later when i get married to my Kikuyu husband, maybe i will write a book on how not to get married after I am done with “Dear Diary”.

In the meantime, pray for me.. My patience is at -3 levels.
Please follow my link and sign up on Clixsense before Appen buys them out

Exes belong to the past

Currently, i am in a bad mood.Over my ex? Hell no!! Nobody ever gets sad or bad moods once the garbage is out. It is over a colleague who is a guy and also who is gonna lose his family because he is dumb but thinks he is bright.
Ever seen some kid play with fire and once you tell them they say they won’t get burnt? Yeah. that’s what we are witnessing.

Personally i think exes who come back are working with the devil to ruin your life. Someone who did you wrong,walked away with no apologies into another relationship which turned out sour. They then come back..
Someone help me understand.
So, this guy has a wife who idolizes him and two beautiful girls. But, once the wife is away, he has the audacity to bring another woman into his house.. Honestly men, who hurt you?

Anyway,i don’t even know why I am complaining but this is a free country. If you don’t want someone that much anymore, just let them go. Why knowingly put wounds and later scars on a person who loves you over someone who is married and got married when with you watching?

Some men are more disappointing than Avengers End Game. You think they got their shit together, then they come up with something so lame that you can’t believe it.

Anyway, let’s all have a good week and Be Kind to one another.

Been a while

Well, it has been long since i wrote anything here. Where have i been? I have no idea whatsoever. I have been here and there, trying different things and foods of course. Yes i am still poor but not yet dead.
Sometimes I hate life and sometimes I hate it especially with 30 approaching fast and i have to mature up. I don’t want to!!! Someone with a solution to this? I will do anything… 😦
Anyway, apart from receiving messages and calls from humans who trashed me in the past, no other ghosts to deal with. I am still in love with food and sleep. I am also asking my friends to follow my link and register in Clixsense.
Here goes

It will cost you nothing and if you are in developed countries you have better chances of making a few bucks there to maybe take a vacation to Kenya. Please follow my link.
Anyway.. Hope everyone is all good. I am damn excited to check out what you’ve been up to. Great Sunday and week ahead!!

Loving Freely

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Recntly, one of my first cousin faded away and we had to gather for the final respects. Nothing is as hard as going to a burial ceremony; not only because because you love them but also because you have to meet all those relatives that you don't like. You gotta hug them, be nice and leave sadder than you arrived.

We stood in the sun with my sisters and two brothers. We were all suffering together smiling to relatives and faking happiness to see them. Introduction after introduction,handshakes, hugs.. These ceremonies are insufferable.

As we complain and look forward to our county governor shutting up so we can finish already and leave, one our cousins arrived. To the rest of the world, this guy has an issues. A tiny bit of him isn't completely normal but to us, he is brand ambassador of love. The moment he sees us, his face lights up and he starts with me and hugs me so happily that it humbles me. He holds on to my hand as he says hi to the rest of my siblings. He goes on to update me how he has been and drags me to say hi to his mother. I watch him introduce me to people that are related to me directly that i never paid attention to. He hugs people. He takes interest to people that I introduce him and asks questions that when i think about them, i have never bothered to ask.

I stand back and watch him and all i can feel is the flow of love and happiness from him. I can't help but feel warmed up and even as the governor gives the mic back to the church guys, I can't help but pray as the pastor says the final prayer that I'd be as loving as this guy. It may look foolish but there is something innocent,pure and beautiful about it. I would want to have this. But how do i get this? How do i get from looking suspiciously at everyone to just loving freely like this guy?

'Soils to soils, it is God who gave and it is God who has taken away'.. The soils from family members hit the casket and it's the final minute. It should have been hard but all i stood there wondering was if I'd ever be able to love as easily, as purely.. as this beautifully as this. Even when writing this, am still wondering, how do you get something as beautiful?