2018 so far

Well, am in a cranky mood. One of my 2018 resolutions was to keep away from sarcastic conversations with someone I will never tell you about.. in a bid to keep away from that, I lost the number and unfriended on Facebook.. pathetic move. It’s like quitting a drug.. it’s hard. Am suffering withdrawal symptoms. I am in bad moods.. I need a rehab honestly. Bad habits die hard. 

One of my pregnant colleagues is continuously picking on me and insulting.. I keep praying continually and confessing in my head ( forgive me father for considering insulting a pregnant woman.. but it’s not my fault she is pregnant.. neither is any of my many brothers).

She has made me a target and well, being me, keeping quiet is hurting me.. my fingers itch to chat with my partner in crime.. but well, I cannot. Reasons withheld. Now please someone talk to a woman before I ruin her esteem.. 

Anyway, too much complaining.. I have lost 2.4 kilos. . Am sooooo proud of myself. 

2018 so far is great.. am yet to point any major great thing though. Am still sitting still and waiting for my God.. I know it won’t be the same and I will be happy  to come share..

As of now my browser history is

How to mute pregnant women

How to subtly insult pregnant women so they don’t cry

How to get over an addiction. 

How to eat without getting fat.. 

.

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For ‘would have been Lovers’

This is to that guy who thought he was doing her a favor by letting her go..

By shutting her out, 

Cause he thought he isn’t good enough..

You are a fool..

This is to that guy.. that who let a genuine girl go

Cause his ego is bigger than his brain.. 

You will die miserable.

This is to that guy

Who used her and dumped her

Cause his brain is in his dick

You deserve castration
This is for that guy

Who took an awesome girl for granted

Cause he is too self absorbed

You are a boy.
This is to that girl

Who gave up on him

Cause she thought she isn’t good enough

You will be miserable.

This is to the girl

Who chose money over heart

You will pay every single penny
This is for the girl

Who insulted him

Cause of his soft heart

You my sister are unreedemable..

This is to all would have been lovers

But didn’t give it a chance

Cause you were too scared, too stupid, too anything else..

I feel sorry for you..

I hope you don’t settle for less.

Cause you live only once.. you can’t afford to be miserably yapping

‘We would have been lovers’ for your entire life..

For ‘would have been Lovers’

This is to that guy who thought he was doing her a favor by letting her go..

By shutting her out, 

Cause he thought he isn’t good enough..

You are a fool..

This is to that guy.. that who let a genuine girl go

Cause his ego is bigger than his brain.. 

You will die miserable.

This is to that guy

Who used her and dumped her

Cause his brain is in his dick

You deserve castration
This is for that guy

Who took an awesome girl for granted

Cause he is too self absorbed

You are a boy.
This is to that girl

Who gave up on him

Cause she thought she isn’t good enough

You will be miserable.

This is to the girl

Who chose money over heart

You will pay every single penny
This is for the girl

Who insulted him

Cause of his soft heart

You my sister are unreedemable..

This is to all would have been lovers

But didn’t give it a chance

Cause you were too scared, too stupid, too anything else..

I feel sorry for you..

I hope you don’t settle for less.

Cause you live only once.. you can’t afford to be miserably yapping

‘We would have been lovers’ for your entire life..

Resolutions 2018

Hey.. it’s 2018 already.. I know you all are crossing fingers together with my mum hoping how the first resolution is marriage but well, let’s not raise our hopes here.. okay? Well, you could at least lower the standards to dating.. sorry but though that one also needs a miracle.. 

No more stalling.. the resolutions are here

1.

Get headphones.

That has been my resolution for the last 3 years.. damn.. someone could actually volunteer. I will eternally be indebted.

2.

Blog more

Ah.. well. A girl can only hope.

3.

Go to church more.

It has been long. Am hopping I will have the zeal to wake up and catch service before work. Nothing gives peace than being in the Lord’s presence.

4.

Exercise.

With the goal of losing a few more kilos maybe. 

5.

Disturb one particular person less.

Well, this person does wonder if I was born to disturb. I promise to behave. 

The rest shall be acquired along the way. I just wish you all a blessed 2018. Keep peace. Preach love and take care of yourselves.

Happy new year family!

Once a villager, always one

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Well, did I say telling stories against myself ain’t my forte? This is the last one I do this year..

Teabags . You heard me right.. teabags. I picked a teabag today and started laughing, I might be out of the village but the village…. damn.. in me..

I was around 9 years old. My dad fell sick. We went to see him in the hospital.. well, poor guy.. we would have stayed but then you know food is sacred.. it has always been. 

I was starving. My mum decided to let take us to a hotel.. well, a nice hotel. 

Food was served. Need I say within a few minutes I was eyeing hers?? 

Am brought up in a small village. Very cold weather. Dusty roads but we produce the best plums ever.. what am trying to say is, after eating, you don’t order soda or (heavens forbid) beer; you order tea. 

Since I wasn’t as full, chapati was ordered. 

Humans… dear humans.. why complicate simple life?? Why?? 

Instead of tea that’s already made, those mortals brought milk, teabag, sugar and hot water. 

Am a villager my friends.. I know how to mix water and milk and sugar and tea leaves.. how many conjunctions are those??

As grateful as a good village girl, I added water into my milk. I carefully tore the teabag and emptied it in.. I then added sugar.. 

Confidently, I called for mum.. 

‘Mum! They didn’t give us a sieve’.. 

Oh the look on my mum’s face.. 

If you laugh I will murder you.. mean humans.. 

Anyway, can someone lend me a sieve.. even today, they didn’t bring one.. .

Inconvenient mortals… *sighs*

That girl 2

As told by Sam… (not my brother you idiots)

Over the next few classes, nothing much changed I was mostly late and at the back while she was upfront and so much into classwork. At the end of the lecture I would follow around and notice that most of times this girl would head into town instead of going to the hostels as most of the freshers were doing. Her style also remained constant. I at times kept wondering, ‘has anyone ever complimented her of what a beautiful body shape she had?’.
Then it happened. This day we were having a Calculus I class. I had arrived a little bit earlier and secured a sitting place up front. Having no friends in that class by then, the row I sat on was unoccupied and I had no one to reserve a seat for. I was busy on my newly acquired IDEOS phone and I didn’t notice a company joining my row until the seat next to mine was dragged. I lifted my eyes off the phone to see who was going to be my neighbour for the lesson. And OMG!!! It was her and her friend. I have never felt so mathogothanio and meek. Everything froze. I absentmindedly stared for a moment but luckily she was busy talking with her friend to notice the weird me. I wanted to say hi but my lips failed me. For a moment I thought of switching seats to a further away one but the lecturer walked in before I could execute that option.
The lecturer was European I always thought to myself that she was German but maybe she was American. She was usually fast with her lecture, and the likes of me from the village struggled to keep up with her. At one point the girl asked to see a step she missed and I was more than glad to help. My heart failed and skipped a beat as I helped her out.
Nothing much happened for the rest of the lecture. As the lecture was nearing the end we had to take assignment questions from the board. I trailed the lecturer far behind and I missed most of the question. I had to ask for some assistance. It was hard but I just had to. I couldn’t leave the class without the question as I knew no one in that class. I turned to the lady next to me, ‘ excuse me, can I copy some questions I missed?’. The reply was calm and steady. ‘of course you can’.
‘I hope I won’t keep waiting for long’. I tried to engage because the other students were already leaving the hall. She assured me that I had the time as they weren’t in a rush. My mouth ran dry of words. I wasn’t used to engaging girls into talks.
I quickly copied the questions, returned the book and said thank you. I thought that there was something but I was hell wrong. As soon as I had returned the book the two girls quickly packed and left. I was confused but that was a huge milestone. As usual, I followed from a distance. This time with a sparkle in my eyes and a smile on my lips. What was in my heart was a jumbled number game.

That girl

Disclaimer! 

This isn’t my work. Someone just sent this and am as curious as you are.. Romance? Maybe, maybe not.. Likes of Maggie can keep away..

It was back in my freshman year. Precisely my first Mathematics lecture to attend. Whether it was SMA 101 or SMA 103 I can’t specifically recall. That’s when I first saw her. I am not sure whether it was I who saw her or she was just impossible not to notice. 

I cant very well pinpoint the details but the cornrows caught my eyes. Who in campus does simple cornrows? She was of good African shape and the height was of an American. 

Being the first class, only introductions were made and in less than half an hour we were at leisure. People grouped into their newly formed friend circles as they left. I delayed behind furthermore I hadn’t made any friends to hastely push me out of the hall. Finally the girl was up moving, I didn’t mean to stalk her but I wanted to see more of her. I had to follow. ‘Maybe I could get a chance to talk to her and know her better’, I lamely thought to myself knowing very well I could never garner the courage to approach her. 

Once outside, I noticed more uniqueness in her style. While every other girl was struggling with a handbag, she had a college bag. Her best shoes were old schools and her dress code was just simple. She appeared to be of decent origin and therefore one could not accuse finances for her choices. But what stunned me even more was her attitude of satisfaction with who she was and what she had. I could see her chanting and smiling as if she was the chairlady of the student union or the daughter to the chancellor.

I kept a safe distance to the main gate and even though she headed to town where i was too heading I switched the street in fear that I was going to far. 

That was the first day and I looked forward to the next class to observe her again from a distance.

Lucky Saturday

Walking past 9 West building towards Sarit, I think of how I would do with extra sleep hours.. I need to officiate this marriage between us..i.e. sleep and Winnie. (Nobody is invited by the way).

I think my eyes are half closed and I have to plug earphones with Kiba’s ‘seduce me’.. I could dance all the way to work but mann… I got two left legs. And am sleepy. I might also be hungry.

In my partially awoke mind, am thinking of how it’s a curse and a blessing to have a good memory.. I remember people’s scents.. little activities.. how they laugh.. how they lied and mostly, how am stupid.. well.. did I stupid? Slip of the pen.. I swear. Stupid and I in the same sentence? Hell no.. stupid and Sam in the same sentence.. oh I love that stupid brother of mine.. 

My mind drifts to avocados.. that sacred fruit. In my mind am negotiating bride price of my daughter with Dave Nyachio.. (May the Lord bless him with a son before his entire head goes bald. May he not also read this..)

Yes.. you got the name right.. Kisii.. damn.. the bride price will be avocados.. good amazing sacred Kisii avocados.. that will be the bride price. I am negotiating of a daughter I don’t have.  (Insert comas while describing avocados and amma kill you)..

Anyway, I get to my destination a few minutes late and fully awake (thanks to avocado thoughts).. Just to find there’s a system breakdown.. Yaaaay!! Call me evil but you are equally evil.. you expect me to write a post and work?? Evil humans.. 

 Anyway, am half asleep again.. thinking of avocados and my blessed cursed memory.. wake me up when the system is up. 

It’s my lucky saturday.. 

Love guru 2018

Uhmmm…  wait.. why am I writing this when am partially asleep?? 

Well, no idea.. for one, am a liar. I have lied twice this week and am feeling so damn guilty. I think I need a father to confess to.. anyone? Am desperate.. 

Winding up 2017.. hmm.. I might have already started drafting 2018 goals.. 

1. I will be relationship counsellor.. 

You heard me right.  Loud and clear. I will be the love guru 2018. There’s a catch though.. not love between humans.  

It’s love between bed and humans.. damn.. sleeping is super awesome. 

With that said.. I will finish up this post tomorrow. Bed is calling. I feel supet needy and clingy to this bed.. 

Bon nuit!!

And hopefully that’s not a lie.. 

‘Forgive me father for I have sinned..’