For you

Every day i stare at your photo and think about you..
The sound of your voice.. Your laughter.. How your tone changes.. From teasing to seriousness.. How you laughter drags out mine… How you say my name.. How you tease and mock me.. And above all, how you care for me…

So many times have you left me wondering what i would do for you.. I can’t come up with anything that is good enough..

Thank you for being solid.. Thank you for laughing with me and at me.. Thank you for caring in a way that nobody did..


These times

9.00 pm
I am definitely not asleep and i am sure am not going to be falling asleep any time soon.. My brain has decided thus year’s sleep limit has been exceeded and it is annoying.. My troubles are nothing though…

I am on the floor trying some stretching moves i watched and well… not so seriously.. My two friends are stretched on my bed talking and making fun of how am doing my ‘yoga’.. My phone lights up with a notification and i roll my eyes. People are too idle right now..

Opening up the message however shuts me down.Somewhere in Nairobi, a mother has abandoned her two kids who are highly malnutritioned.. I stare at the article and pass my phone to my friend.. This shit is getting harder and with restrictions extended for another 21 days, i dunno what will happen. The fact that we have reached out to a few people to help won’t be working soon because i know almost everyone is strained for resources.. I don’t know exactly how to just sit here and not to think about it.. Yet, i don’t know how to reach out…

I just hope that these times will pass soon and we will be out there trying to figure out why China thinks that they should increase their military presence in Africa.. I wish this was our main concern right now…

I also hope we are all keeping safe and sane.. I hope we are being as kind as we can be to those around us.. These times will pass and see you on the safer side.. 😘

The greatest of these

7:03 am
I am up for no apparent reason.. Today we will be going to reach out to a family or two but i don’t feel elated as i should feel.. On the contrary, i feel defeated. We are losing a battle that we never had a chance of winning even before we started it… Yet, we started it.

Most Kenyans live from hand to mouth literally.. The effect of the curfew, businesses closing, restricted movement and social distancing will probably have more people on their knees even before corona virus does.. This shit is depressing as hell.. What is even more depressing is the gap that exists amongst Kenyans.. Some people don’t understand how others are suffering… The government got no clue whatsoever on the intensity of this…

I want to just get on top of my bed and close my eyes and assume all is well.. I log into my twitter account and all hope is gone.. Kenyatta National Hospital is on the spotlight again for negligence.. This isn’t the first case..Only this time, they didn’t ignore the child of a lesser god.. They apparently ignored one of the most brilliant minds in the country… I don’t know what the uproar is about because this isn’t new… Yet, the uproar is just there… I scroll past that and get to killings..

As if these problems are not enough, the exists a bunch of drunkards that were driven away in an ambulance while those who needed that ambulance couldn’t access it..

I want to feel the love for this country.. I want to feel the love in this country.. I want to read about the love in this country.. Yet, I am here feeling drained.. The only thing that keeps me going is hope.. Hope after my friend says he wants to adopt a family to care for.. Hope after a group of friends pool a bit of foodstuffs to cater for a few families.. Love is miserably failing me.. Yet it is supposed to be the greatest of all.. I always thought the greatest had the greatest impact..

Right now all i can do is hope that there are people out there doing more and more.. All i can do is hope that humanity does not go down the drain.. Hopefully, the next batch of people in our offices will do better than this.. I hope the rampant acts against human beings will reduce…

I just hope that i will not tire of hoping.. If hope fails me, i have nothing else to hold unto..

Do i hope you all are keeping safe and being kind to those around you? Stretch your arms as far as they can go and help out as much as you can..

Be kind to one another

Ellen always says this and it sounds simple.. Most times we give when we have excess and it is like human nature to hold on to more and more… We should try harder.

Every time i want to hold onto anything i have, i remember this one time, it was on Christmas. We were hard pressed. My mum and her 8 kids.. Not enough food.. Unluckily, the people around tend to say that they are praying for you whereas they could pray and share.. They do the work halfway..

So, my eldest brother was barely 12 or so.. with the rest of us.. None could do anything to help.. Not even the church that is commanded so.. It passed until two women came by.. They didnt have much but i do remember we cried.. It meant the world to us…

Don’t feel bad for me, we got through it… Be kind enough to extend even a kilo of rice to those hard hit during this time.. Don’t just pray for them.. Will you be more action than words? It makes the whole difference to someone.. Please be kind to one another and take care.

One cent on marriages

My head hurts and I am tired… Mentally.. I am tired of listening to humans.. People ruining each other.. It is like people are not getting married anymore. They are warring against each other..

I once thought marriage is for people who loved each other… making commitment to each other.. To love and to hold.. For better for worse.. Nowadays there is zero need to make those vows.. You are gonna break them anyway…

‘Don’t pick up any new behaviour you can’t keep up just to please your partner.. Eventually, you will start hating that behaviour.. or actions.. Then you will start associating it with your partner.. You will eventually start hating him/her..’ This came from someone i just met..

I know it is true.. I also don’t know how to make people especially women to stop doing it.. Men either…
Don’t act like you love doing laundry if you don’t.. Don’t act caring and romantic if you aren’t.. Don’t start something that you cannot keep up in the marriage..

The rise on divorce rates in Kenya is shocking and i have no idea how it would be curbed unless those getting married take it upon themselves to work on their marriages.. I can only guess it is work that requires relentless energy.. If one person stops working on their side, then it is doomed to fail..

I’d say if you are too proud, too arrogant, too egoistic to say you are sorry, just stay single.. If you are toxic; as we know ourselves better, don’t ruin someones life..
But then humans are selfish.. We only think of what works for us, our pride.. I want this and that.. Do we ever sit to ponder on what we have to offer the other person ?

I wish each of us healing.. So we can’t take our shit to the other people, our kids and definitely to the world.. If we worked on ourselves, then it would be a better world.. and definitely good marriages..

But what do i know.. I will keep listening.. I will keep watching as people sabotage each other.. I will smile at the few good ones who are working daily to make it work.. My heart will break for those who can’t break the vicious cycle of going back.. but i will hold my peace..

Keep safe.

Thoughts on long distance relationships

You get tired of being lonely. Tired of all the miles between you. Every time you’re together, you’re giving a dying relationship CPR…

This is an extract from a book that i am reading and i am totally in support of it… Thoughts?

Oh my soul

12:28 a.m

The way the world is in unison over the virus is strange.. The way the rains are falling without any celebration is weird..

Be quiet oh my soul… The restlessness..The way you have been quiet is odd… The desire to be in motion has been unusually quiet… Too quiet that its return stirs this soul up… Are you tired my soul.. Are you stirred or whatever causes the loss of rest?

It is funny how that restlessness was home… but somewhere along the way it was stilled… What roused it oh my soul?? What brings you that feeling…

The unending desire to be toing and froing… Be still oh my soūl… We following you isn’t a strength…

Still now oh my soul.. The uneasiness is disturbing… The feeling is draining…
Be kind to me oh my soul… And be restful as you have been..

If i die

Do not stand at my grave and weep

I am not there, I do not sleep.

I am a thousand winds that blow,

I am the diamond glints on snow,

I am the sun on ripened grain,

I am the gentle autumn rain.

When you awaken in the morning’s hush

I am the swift uplifting rush

Of quiet birds in circled flight.

I am the soft stars that shine at night.

Do not stand at my grave and cry,

I am not there; I did not die.

(from the book Sugar Daddy)

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