Is it a relationship?

He is good looking
When he wants you, nothing can keep him away
When he has you, garners  his attention
He doesn’t care if you are hurt so long as you don’t go away..

You are attracted to him
You keep flying back to him
He can’t hold his anger
So he hurts you, just a bit

Just like a moth
You play around fire
You can’t resist
Flames lick it’s wings..
Just a bit
It flies away
But it can’t keep away

The flame keeps burning
Beckoning the moth
It draws it..
The game goes on..
By and by the wings of the moth
Are totally charred
It can’t fly away
Into the fire it leans
With no qualms the fire keeps burning

Same fate befalls you
If you can’t resist the fire
Once your wings waste away
And you can no longer fly
The fire will devour you
And the flame will keep going
To draw more moths..

Fly away dear moth
Fly away and don’t turn back
It will do you good..

A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting? If you walk away, you will hurt but eventually you will heal.    

Autumn Kohler

Observer

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As I get to Chandarana Lavington, I feel like crap. Walking for a few minutes when you are going down with a flu isn’t a cup of tea. I could just give a pass, but I need the money.. I have to work.

I walk directly to my section; the toothpaste. I can feel consumers who are shopping stare at me as I hurriedly walk past them in my white clinging dress labelled SENSODYNE.

For some, it looks good. For the toothpaste users, they are waiting for me to take a breath so that they can pounce at me.. yet, it isn’t my fault 75ml of the paste is going for Five hundred Kenyan shillings equivalent to 5 dollars.. it isn’t.

I am in no mood to chat with anyone. I wish I could plug in earphones, but how am I going to talk to customers?

I am arranging the shelf to look better when Sally, the blueband girl passes by to say hi. She has one of the Supermarket tailing her.
He catches up with her and cleverly pins her against the wall a blind spot for the cameras..
She tries to push him but she can’t. Every other attendant is just staring at them. She pushes him and he is stronger than her. He rans his hands over her and I can’t stand it anymore..

‘What are you doing?’ I ask stepping towards them..

‘It’s none of your business’ he answers.
Well, am not amused. I am new and I have several enemies already. But I can afford a few others..

‘That’s sexual harassment’ I say
He lets her go and turns around me..
In the morning really??
‘Look Sensodyne, you are stupid and full of yourself. Just the other day you threw you pineapple at me and now you can’t mind your business’..

‘You are harassing her..’

‘She likes it..’
I glare at him. He eventually retreats but I can tell we will have trouble in the near future..

‘Sally.. you can report him. Or I can do it for you.. ‘ I turn to her.

‘He is just messing around. I think he is funny. ‘ She says

‘Wait, are you serious?? He calls you stupid girl all the time and says you kiss him whenever he wants.. he is insulting you’..

‘No. He isn’t. And about throwing that pineapple on his face. That was rude. It’s a taboo to do it in my culture’.. She says

I am so angry. I can’t control myself..

‘Well, it’s good we don’t share a culture or anything’..

‘Yo.. stupid girl, come here.. leave that Sensodyne….’

Everyone is quiet. The manager passes by.
‘Morning Sensodyne. Are you alright?’ –
‘Am okay Godwin. Can everyone stick to their lines please? I don’t want them over here’.
Sure..
‘Everyone stick to their lines please’. He says, gives me a smile and walks away.

Soon as he leaves, the Supermarket attendant with his drank friend are standing against Sally. One has his hand on her shoulder. The other one looks as if he is going to kiss her. For a moment she looks a bit scared. Her eyes dart and find mine..

I turn away. We need more customers in. If they don’t flow in, I have to keep observing those men take advantage of a 19 year old who needs beating to get sense in her head.

My day is gonna be long. I already have a headache

Finding limitless love

I sit at the hospital feeling cold. I watch my brother’s back and he rocks himself back and forth on his seat. I tap his shoulder and he gives a bleak look.

‘ how are you feeling?? ‘

‘ Not that bad’
he answers me and clutches his stomach. No matte how hard he tries to hide it, I can almost touch his pain. I look around the waiting area and all I can see are sick and more sick people. I want to call somebody and just talk. I take out my phone and scroll down on the contact list. I settle for Debbie. The call doesn’t go through. I walk a bit further from my brother and observe him from a distance. He is still rocking himself. He bends further and I feel helpless. I feel so cold. I want someone to hold me and tell me he will be well.

My contact list again. I don’t know who to call and I simply let it pass. His wife already has had an emotional breakdown and I am the strongest here. Just that I don’t feel strong. I don’t want to be strong. My imagination takes me to the grave and back. Memories take me back to watching helplessly as my dad faded away. I don’t want to be strong.

I sit there with hands on my chin. Then I realize, I have been overlooking a friend who has always been there and will always be there. I realize I could be whispering a prayer to Jesus and just telling him to help be strong for my brother. I realize it is me who has been wandering from my friend. I sit there quietly and pray that He could grant me grace, peace and let me have a new heart do as to be courageous enough. It is me who has been failing him.
I may want a human friend to hold my hand or hold and console me, but I have a friend whose love is limitless. All I need is to ask Him to hold my hand and I will be engulfed with limitless love.

always winnie

Inhumanity

The song praise you in the storm by Casting Crowns is playing on my phone and I am really sad and I am singing along. Today has been a really sad day for Kenya. If you haven’t watched news or maybe missed CNN,  let me update you.

Garissa University was today attacked by terrorists in the morning and students have been killed and some are being held hostage in the school. The school is surrounded by police who can’t do much because the students in the school have been approximated to be more than two hundred. The death toll has risen to 147 and the injured students are almost the same number.

I am grateful that it isn’t my school though very worried where these people will go next. The terror threat alerts texts have been going around and it’s very sad that we didn’t believe that it would really be carried out in a school that was just promoted to a university such as Garissa. People actually thought it would be either University of Nairobi or Kenyatta University. As for me, I never thought that students would be attacked at all and when my cousin passed on the alert, I told him to stop filling up my what’s app messages.

It is even sadder for me because just last month I met ladies from Garissa University who were taking part in the University Games and they were all excited since they were initially a college and now a university. I actually shared a name with one girl and we got along really well but I can’t find out if she is okay because I didn’t take her number.

It’s sadder for parents who were excited that their kids were admitted to the university and now all they will do is mourn whereas others don’t know if their daughters and sons will come out safe. They are worried that their babies will never be the same. My heart cries out to those who are watching their friends being ruthlessly murdered and do not know their fate.

I am lying awake praying for parents to be strong, for students to be released and young innocent souls to rest in peace. I am crying for my country Kenya that is mourning and for all students who are living in fear. For all those parents who will hesitate to take their children to school because they are so worried. I also cry for the mothers whose sons are capable of such inhumane acts. For the terrorist themselves for preying on innocent, harmless, defenseless and young souls.

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