Reality check

If you could kick the person in the pants responsible for most of your trouble, you wouldn’t sit for a month.

Theodore Roosevelt

More about men..

Here’s all you have to know about men and women: women are crazy, men are stupid. And the main reason women are crazy is that men are stupid..

Are we clear??

Dear Iran

Our developed Fathers, i salute you. I also come in peace. First and foremost, I apologize for the mistaken identity of Kenya with a state in the USA. Secondly, I apologize for our president who should have been schooled in Japan. Kenyans ask with all due respect, that you may confirm that the only thing between us and the United States is that the President schooled there. We have absolutely nothing against you. In fact, we apologize for President Trump and would like to state clearly that we understand that anybody who incites war is a fool. We also acknowledge that Ellen Degeneres would have been the most excellent president because she advocates for love and kindness.

Dear Iran, we already have problems that are beyond us; locusts, corruption and politicians who think we sent them to parliament to loot the country. In addition, we aren’t even sure whether this is Kenya we are in or the Kenya Republic of China. We are not yet sure if China has finished buying us. Why don’t we assume that Kenya doesn’t exist anyway? Pay no attention to us.

We also want to bring to your attention that we have no business making you our enemy. Honestly we are too poor to afford it. As the United States of America is setting aside trillions of dollars for war,all we can hope is that if war breaks, your missiles will spill our elders’ brew and they will curse you.. That is all that we can afford: a curse. We could borrow witches from Nigeria but we are in too much debt. Even Nigeria wouldn’t want to lend us their witches.

Finally, as the US military is getting new not to mention better equipment and training, ours is being ordered to West of Kenya to shoot locusts. We are honestly poor, unequipped and stupid. Ignore us.

PS: Whoever labelled us as a possible ally to the US, stop courting trouble. The only ally we know (so long as they maintain peace) is SA i.e South Africa. We even have Shoprite here.. Please can you wait for us to get our Huduma Number and also loot… I mean budget for BBI. Let poverty kill us. We don’t need Iran to quicken it.

Yours Faithfully
On behalf of Kenyans
Wanjiku.

Women…

I am a worried woman.. The rate at which women are getting murdered in this country is really high.. I am even more worried because men could be getting murdered but the women never get caught.. You know why? Women killers are rarely caught.. Not my words.. Ex FBI profile Candice DeLong..
I will do my part of educating men on what and who women are and what they want.. Thank me later..

So today is on who are women..

Women are like shower faucets, you must treat them carefully, because if you do not, it will either burn your balls or freeze your ass. — M.F. Moonzajer..

What have i to add?

It’s sad to see people surviving corrupt government, bad economy, looting, harsh climatic conditions, only to go down by the hands of someone you love.. It is better to leave.. Women as you raise your daughters, teach them to watch out for themselves.. Physically, emotionally and mentally.

I hope for better days.. ❤️

2020 issues

Well, we all waited for this year and celebrated the new year.. What has changed on your side? On my side uhmmm…. lemme see… Figure 8 is finally taken over by Appen. That means at one point i will have to look for a job.. And that point is this month.. It sucks like hell.

I have also decided to give a chance to romantic novels.. So help me God.. By the end of this month i should have finished reading 5 novels that are romantic and commented about them on this site.. Any suggestions are very welcome.. Why do people read romantic novels anyway?? No.. not 50 shades of whatever.. That guy is a freak in the real world. It only is praised because he is rich.

Anyway, how is 2020 going? Anybody with good pdfs?
I will have to survive this.. So help me God.. Amen

JEXI;why you should watch it

Well, do you love spending time on your phone? I know i do.. Jexi is for those who are always on their phone though at some point, it takes a romantic turn..

Imagine buying a phone and the AI in it can actually hear and see everything around you… Just imagine the AI in your phone falling for you and saying hold ‘me just like that’.. Imagine now when the AI tells you to plug and unplug it for pleasure.. Just imagine if doesn’t like you, it will scream ‘fake orgasm! fake orgasm!’… Just imagine if you have nudes on your phone and you don’t keep the AI happy it sends them to everyone in your company..

This movie is a must watch if you love a good laugh.
What movies do you think everyone ought to watch?

Night troubles

1.46 am…
I am awake. I honestly don’t know why but maybe it’s because am starving.. Why? I also don’t kmow.
The lights aren’t on so i must have fallen asleep intentionally. I don’t remember.

I am way colder than usual and it is a miracle i am not coughing. The rains outside must be the reason.. I have to get the light. As i get out of bed, my foot touches something wet..
Damn.. I wanted to use the f word but then it is 2020; no more cursing.. I forgot to close the windows.. Part of my matress is soaked and i bet that’s the reason i am colder than usual.. Soon as i switch on the lights, i want to cry..
I can’t really cry.. But i want to. About four giant slugs found their way inside. I want to throw up.. But i can’t. I just know that my bathroom must be full of them..
I close the windows and pour some salt on the bathroom floor and at the base of the window..
.
I look around for another duvet and switch off the lights as i leave the room. Tonight the couch will do. The night is too old for slug hunting.. Morning don’t come soon..

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