Once a villager, always one

Well, did I say telling stories against myself ain’t my forte? This is the last one I do this year..

Teabags . You heard me right.. teabags. I picked a teabag today and started laughing, I might be out of the village but the village…. damn.. in me..

I was around 9 years old. My dad fell sick. We went to see him in the hospital.. well, poor guy.. we would have stayed but then you know food is sacred.. it has always been. 

I was starving. My mum decided to let take us to a hotel.. well, a nice hotel. 

Food was served. Need I say within a few minutes I was eyeing hers?? 

Am brought up in a small village. Very cold weather. Dusty roads but we produce the best plums ever.. what am trying to say is, after eating, you don’t order soda or (heavens forbid) beer; you order tea. 

Since I wasn’t as full, chapati was ordered. 

Humans… dear humans.. why complicate simple life?? Why?? 

Instead of tea that’s already made, those mortals brought milk, teabag, sugar and hot water. 

Am a villager my friends.. I know how to mix water and milk and sugar and tea leaves.. how many conjunctions are those??

As grateful as a good village girl, I added water into my milk. I carefully tore the teabag and emptied it in.. I then added sugar.. 

Confidently, I called for mum.. 

‘Mum! They didn’t give us a sieve’.. 

Oh the look on my mum’s face.. 

If you laugh I will murder you.. mean humans.. 

Anyway, can someone lend me a sieve.. even today, they didn’t bring one.. .

Inconvenient mortals… *sighs*

That girl 2

As told by Sam… (not my brother you idiots)

Over the next few classes, nothing much changed I was mostly late and at the back while she was upfront and so much into classwork. At the end of the lecture I would follow around and notice that most of times this girl would head into town instead of going to the hostels as most of the freshers were doing. Her style also remained constant. I at times kept wondering, ‘has anyone ever complimented her of what a beautiful body shape she had?’.
Then it happened. This day we were having a Calculus I class. I had arrived a little bit earlier and secured a sitting place up front. Having no friends in that class by then, the row I sat on was unoccupied and I had no one to reserve a seat for. I was busy on my newly acquired IDEOS phone and I didn’t notice a company joining my row until the seat next to mine was dragged. I lifted my eyes off the phone to see who was going to be my neighbour for the lesson. And OMG!!! It was her and her friend. I have never felt so mathogothanio and meek. Everything froze. I absentmindedly stared for a moment but luckily she was busy talking with her friend to notice the weird me. I wanted to say hi but my lips failed me. For a moment I thought of switching seats to a further away one but the lecturer walked in before I could execute that option.
The lecturer was European I always thought to myself that she was German but maybe she was American. She was usually fast with her lecture, and the likes of me from the village struggled to keep up with her. At one point the girl asked to see a step she missed and I was more than glad to help. My heart failed and skipped a beat as I helped her out.
Nothing much happened for the rest of the lecture. As the lecture was nearing the end we had to take assignment questions from the board. I trailed the lecturer far behind and I missed most of the question. I had to ask for some assistance. It was hard but I just had to. I couldn’t leave the class without the question as I knew no one in that class. I turned to the lady next to me, ‘ excuse me, can I copy some questions I missed?’. The reply was calm and steady. ‘of course you can’.
‘I hope I won’t keep waiting for long’. I tried to engage because the other students were already leaving the hall. She assured me that I had the time as they weren’t in a rush. My mouth ran dry of words. I wasn’t used to engaging girls into talks.
I quickly copied the questions, returned the book and said thank you. I thought that there was something but I was hell wrong. As soon as I had returned the book the two girls quickly packed and left. I was confused but that was a huge milestone. As usual, I followed from a distance. This time with a sparkle in my eyes and a smile on my lips. What was in my heart was a jumbled number game.

That girl


This isn’t my work. Someone just sent this and am as curious as you are.. Romance? Maybe, maybe not.. Likes of Maggie can keep away..

It was back in my freshman year. Precisely my first Mathematics lecture to attend. Whether it was SMA 101 or SMA 103 I can’t specifically recall. That’s when I first saw her. I am not sure whether it was I who saw her or she was just impossible not to notice. 

I cant very well pinpoint the details but the cornrows caught my eyes. Who in campus does simple cornrows? She was of good African shape and the height was of an American. 

Being the first class, only introductions were made and in less than half an hour we were at leisure. People grouped into their newly formed friend circles as they left. I delayed behind furthermore I hadn’t made any friends to hastely push me out of the hall. Finally the girl was up moving, I didn’t mean to stalk her but I wanted to see more of her. I had to follow. ‘Maybe I could get a chance to talk to her and know her better’, I lamely thought to myself knowing very well I could never garner the courage to approach her. 

Once outside, I noticed more uniqueness in her style. While every other girl was struggling with a handbag, she had a college bag. Her best shoes were old schools and her dress code was just simple. She appeared to be of decent origin and therefore one could not accuse finances for her choices. But what stunned me even more was her attitude of satisfaction with who she was and what she had. I could see her chanting and smiling as if she was the chairlady of the student union or the daughter to the chancellor.

I kept a safe distance to the main gate and even though she headed to town where i was too heading I switched the street in fear that I was going to far. 

That was the first day and I looked forward to the next class to observe her again from a distance.

Am starving… really.. ‘hunger thy name is Winnie’  I understand how Esau sold his rights.  I probably will marry anyone who offers me food.  Really.. am desperate

Lucky Saturday

Walking past 9 West building towards Sarit, I think of how I would do with extra sleep hours.. I need to officiate this marriage between us..i.e. sleep and Winnie. (Nobody is invited by the way).

I think my eyes are half closed and I have to plug earphones with Kiba’s ‘seduce me’.. I could dance all the way to work but mann… I got two left legs. And am sleepy. I might also be hungry.

In my partially awoke mind, am thinking of how it’s a curse and a blessing to have a good memory.. I remember people’s scents.. little activities.. how they laugh.. how they lied and mostly, how am stupid.. well.. did I stupid? Slip of the pen.. I swear. Stupid and I in the same sentence? Hell no.. stupid and Sam in the same sentence.. oh I love that stupid brother of mine.. 

My mind drifts to avocados.. that sacred fruit. In my mind am negotiating bride price of my daughter with Dave Nyachio.. (May the Lord bless him with a son before his entire head goes bald. May he not also read this..)

Yes.. you got the name right.. Kisii.. damn.. the bride price will be avocados.. good amazing sacred Kisii avocados.. that will be the bride price. I am negotiating of a daughter I don’t have.  (Insert comas while describing avocados and amma kill you)..

Anyway, I get to my destination a few minutes late and fully awake (thanks to avocado thoughts).. Just to find there’s a system breakdown.. Yaaaay!! Call me evil but you are equally evil.. you expect me to write a post and work?? Evil humans.. 

 Anyway, am half asleep again.. thinking of avocados and my blessed cursed memory.. wake me up when the system is up. 

It’s my lucky saturday.. 

Love guru 2018

Uhmmm…  wait.. why am I writing this when am partially asleep?? 

Well, no idea.. for one, am a liar. I have lied twice this week and am feeling so damn guilty. I think I need a father to confess to.. anyone? Am desperate.. 

Winding up 2017.. hmm.. I might have already started drafting 2018 goals.. 

1. I will be relationship counsellor.. 

You heard me right.  Loud and clear. I will be the love guru 2018. There’s a catch though.. not love between humans.  

It’s love between bed and humans.. damn.. sleeping is super awesome. 

With that said.. I will finish up this post tomorrow. Bed is calling. I feel supet needy and clingy to this bed.. 

Bon nuit!!

And hopefully that’s not a lie.. 

‘Forgive me father for I have sinned..’

Love life 2017

Well, telling stories against myself ain’t my forte, yet amma tell this one..  

In anticipating 2018 and on letting go of 2017.. with hopes of moving forward in 2018, and becoming mucha better person..

Do i sound motivational? Well..  am sstalling. 

Wait!! I survived Christmas, I told my mum I will adopt a kid, so instead of preaching on marriage, I got the ‘getting your own kids’ preaching.. I might also might have mentioned that my friend Maggie Naomi can barely change diapers, so she might also adopt.. well.. she got a lecture from my mum that she didn’t get to hear… 

Fine.. am stalling.. 

To one guy I caught feelings for and never could access.. somehow my amazing charm never charmed you and you never crawled at my feet. I hate to admit but man… you are good.  Many years down the line.. am praying that my friends will never read this because if they do am toast.

In my bid of letting go, I just want to say thanks for always reminding me that am human.. no matter how good I am, am still human.. this soo hurts to know am that human and a mere mortal can say no..

Well, you are the first and hopefully the last. 2018 is here and am moving forward since 2012.. oh how being rejected hurts. It’s a pinch to my enormous ego. Well, what to do. 2018 comes with big decisions.

I don’t know what to do with mortals but trust me you aren’t am amongst them. Am just floored here as I accept defeat as gracefully as I can. Am applying all my sportsmanship here.. 

So, fly bird fly.. mortals are a nuisance.

I hope 2018 goes so well. As I jot down my 2018 goals, I will make sure to include this in capital letters.. so God help me. 
I pray against all my friends ever reading this. They might start believing am emotionally functional.. have a blessed 2018 mortals. Keep safe.

Dear Dad

Today is just a day to 17 years since you settled for bliss.. I honestly don’t know if it gets better with time or just every other year am more lost without you around but well, am fine.. God has been a great father.. just that sometimes when am sitting and talking to Him, I can feel his presence but I can’t step on his back.. neither can I ask him to personally bring me chocolates.. 

Well, you are missed. Every year more than the other year.

As usual every year, I just want to update you..

You remember I cleared school, right? Uhmm.. I hate to break this to you but apparently am the brightest you will ever get. Your other two sons are growing old in campus and instead of 4 years they will graduate on next, which is 5 years after they joined.. haha.. I hate to laugh but haha.. a degree takes 4 years to clear.. just like I did.. apparently these two are dumber than we thought dad.. am sorry but well, at least am bright..so all is not lost. I wwon’t mention the reason they haven’t cleared is because there was a lecturers strike..

Leave those two.. Your oldest son has graduated to a drama king.. oh that one gonna kill me one day. On the brighter side, he has very beautiful daughters.. they definitely take after me. I wish you met them. They are just lovable. Your son though.. smh.. 

Your ugly son Sam is doing awesome.. I told you he got a wife, right? I honestly don’t know how the poor girl got tricked but well, she somehow got convinced.. it’s either mom’s prayers or black magic.. I want to believe in prayers.. 

The news is, you gonna be a grandfather again.. soon. I can’t wait to be aunt Winnie. However, his wife and I are continually praying that thekid inherits my beauty and brains or the mother’s.. if he iinherits Sam’s looks, we are in trouble.. They are happy though.. Sam is so excited that it’s contagious.. 

He won’t let me breath. He keeps telling me to get myself married.. I wish you could help me convince him am still your young girl.. very young indeed..

Moving on from Sam, your beautiful daughter is still growing.. she still got dimples. There dad you played me, I was supposed to inherit all the good genes. You played me sir.. you played me. Now she looks way more beautiful and she even has the guts to be younger than me.. ugh!! Her hair too, dad honestly you are a deal breaker. It’s silky.. it’s long when I have even been fasting for mine to grow. Let’s not dwell on this one.. she 

Wasn’t supposed to look that good.
Your last born son is soo tall.. oh my goodness.. that one should join the army.. he got the advantages.. he can run, he is dark that no enemy can spot him.. he towers over me.. however we have a problem.. he is too soft hearted. He took after mom’s heart.. honestly nature played him. He is just the best brother ever. He is like a tall teddybear. He actually cleared school and being sister of the year, am yet to find out what he scored. 

Now sit down.. guys are running after your youngest daughter. We are all praying she doesn’t get married before me.. it’s bad for our family image. Plus, she got two more years of high school to do. She is soo pretty and spoilt.. 

Am sure you are bored now, well, your wife is doing well.. allow me to laugh but now she can’t scold us anymore. Her army years are done and now all she does is shake her head. She is all soft and grandmother to her granddaughters.. I wish I was her grand daughter.  I would have escaped some spanking I swear.. she still looks beautiful. She is a mother hen.. she still defends us like our mother and father. She acts like it’s better since you left but I highly doubt. She still speaks as if you left yesterday and I have heard her wish several times that death would just be a journey.  She would somehow be expecting you back.. and she keeps saying she knows you would be soo proud of her. In her eyes no man will equal to you. 

Don’t dare mention this but I heard her be rude to some guy, that in your grave you are more a man than that guy will ever be. I didn’t know whether to laugh, pity the guy or cry.

Anyway, am fine I think.. I will write next year. I do wish it’s a journey you left for. Every day would be a chance to  hope and look forward to.. 

I hope you are resting well.. so long Dad.. so long.. one of these days we shall meet up. Forgive me but hopefully not soon..

Love you!!

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