Emotions

If you stumble on a rock with your left leg, you will have bad luck.. 

Superstitions… you bet.

Friday morning.. okay moods. I don’t feel elated. Neither do I feel downcast. 

It’s a good sign. Maybe. These days am one weird being. Human beings wear me out. I feel either sleepy or sad.. I can’t.. I would rather be alone. 

Well, back to Friday. Am just staring at space thinking of superstitions.. I hurt my leg and my toe is sore. I have nothing in my mind when one of the big fish approaches me

‘Did you tell your boss you are looking for a job with us?’ He asks

‘Why?’ I shoot right back. He is looking to intimidate me.. well, I would rather feel sleepy  than intimidated. 

‘she was here yester morning. That was a stupid thing to do.’ He says and walks away.

Am at a loss. Why would I tell my boss am looking to move when it’s not even guaranteed?

But someone did. I don’t know what to think.

The only two people who communicate with my boss are right next to me. They are busy talking to me. 

All I can do is look from one to the other and wonder who screwed me over. I can’t muster anger.. I remember well he who angers you controls you.. 

Anger is out of question. Weirdly enough I don’t know who of them did it. Am too blind. Too trusting. I don’t know why anyone would do that. 

Well, I refused to take a job offer with one of them and I refused any sexual advances from the other.. 

Am stuck with sleepy and sad. Every time one of them speaks to me,  am at a loss. It makes me sad. I thought we were friends.. it’s sadder that one is getting judged for something they didn’t do.. 

Ugh… complicated humans.. hugs are 

defdefinitely welcome. I can’t deal. I hate being emotionally functional. It’s draining.

#love

If you aren’t being treated with love and respect, check your price tag. Maybe you’ve marked yourself down. It’s you who tells people what your worth. Get off of the clearance rack and get behind the glass where they keep the valuables.
After that keep telling yourself

I love myself. Not because am great, but because am the greatest!’

Karma, hold.. 

Honestly Karma needs to have chills. For real.. I think her chill pills are out.. restock needed. Otherwise…

‘I think I can no longer handle men..’ 

That was me yesterday..

‘So?’ Debz asks

‘I will start playing for the other team.. I will get myself a nice girlfriend. And never introduce her anywhere. She gotta be skinny’ I say.

My friend laughed her ass out..

‘What? Am serious here girl’

Oh well, little did I know.. I would be humbled.. 

My head hurts like hell. It’s around 11 a.m. I leave with a cup to get warm water.. maybe, just may be, my headache is caused by indigestion (horrible food eaten.. always stick to your food dealer)..

Am holding my cup as I go past the organic market stand when someone calls out..

‘Winnie! Hi’ 

‘Hi’ Isay right back. Fake smile in place.

‘How are you’?’

Not in a mood for small talk.. my mind responds..

‘Good. You?’ 

I  am standing with my cup of water right there when the pretty woman goes round the stand towards me. 

Weird weird humans..

She goes for a hug.. talk of uncomfortable… she is shorter than me and most times I avoid her like a plague. The last time I talked to her, she ended up showing me her waist beads and saying she can’t bend over with people watching. 

Bad news..

The problem is when that same bad news is draped around you. Forgive me but being endowed with boobs, I prefer hugging hard chests.. another set of boobs is creepy.

I comment about my water and she lets go. Then puts her hand around my waist and starts complaining of how the organic market girl is harassing her.. while running her hand up and down my body..

In my mind am annoyed. Karma honestly.. I was kidding about skinny girls.  Please pleaseee..

Please.. 

(All women who I ain’t close with don’t pull me against you. It’s weird).

Someone tell Karma life isn’t that serious. No need to throw skinny women on my way. I’d rather you threw muscles to me.  I would appreciate. 

Kenya today

When I look at Kenyan situation right now, corruption, city council at Uasin Gishu,Nairobi Central business district madness, Kenyatta National Hospital assaults and others we don’t know about, I think of election days and Kenyans willingness to fight each other over political issues… none of the political leaders is doing anything despite difference in political party affiliations..

The situation here reminds me of that nursery school song

3 blind mice.. 3 blind mice..

Well lemme keep singing that..

We weren’t played.. we played ourselves.

Saturday rush

7:40 a.m.

That’s not just any time. It’s the time i have woken up.. uughhh!!

Shower.. shower..  cold shower. 

Handbag

Bread, check

Plums.. check

Coffee.. check

Fare… check

Good to go.

Valentine’s is coming up fast.. as if that’s not enough, my ugly brother got a beautiful baby girl.. but honestly am happy for my bro.. even happier for the bright baby who picked auntie Winnie’s good looks… lucky escape sweetheart.. lucky escape..

Anyway, am late.. really late.. but wait.. not late enough to miss out breakfast or a big mango.. 

Blessed Saturday!!

Life as women are suffering it

I sit in a mat today.. am ready to start a war.. any time…

Yet, I have to remind myself that I don’t have muscles. I take in a shaky breath.. I blink back tears.. Helplessness. That’s what it is.. that cursed feeling that women are suffering nowadays.

Am yet to get a baby so I can’t explain the pain.. but at a small percentage, I try to understand. It’s tiring.. it’s draining.. yet, women who have given birth at Kenyatta National hospital have to keep watching their backs.. They have to walk in groups to breastfeed their babies.

Problem? They can get raped in the facility.. the biggest referral hospital in East and Central Africa; the home of shame.

Morgue attendants are going after those women and raping them.. I can’t just.. honestly I have no idea what to say here. The women are shown dead bodies and they have them scared.. then abusing them..

No woman should get raped.. but this is even worse; vulnerable women, scared women.. oh my God.. 

Who are these people? Are they even human? 

The most saddening fact is that the management is well aware of whatever is happening.. They just couldn’t be bothered. Hate me, or think me as biased, but I think the management is men. No woman would sit back and watch this happen. If there’s such a woman, we of the female race of the all living things disown you. You are a disgarace.. a shame to all women.

Some time ago, I read an article by media personalityAnita Nderu on sexual abuse, I just didn’t know it would get to this level. I had no idea this would go this far.

Lot’s of Kenyan men are idiots and mentally dysfunctional. They have no idea on where boundaries on sexual abuse lie. There’s a time some guy grabbed my breast through a matatu window.. I was mad.. I showered for minutes.. I just can’t imagine what those women are suffering right now..

It’s traumatizing to think of it. I would call out to Kenyan men to defend their women from the men who are doing this but I can’t.. how many men have had sex with a girl even when she said no? Just holding her down just because they can? How many have made unwelcomed comments about a girl’s body even when she didn’t like it? How many men are having their wives without even caring just because they can? 

Well, I won’t.. I have met a real man once.. so am sure they exist.. but they are outnumbered. The morons rule the men’s world. 

I would call out to the government.. but what for? Wrotten garbage..

I would cry out to women.. but we are outmuscled..  we are pushed out in the streets easily.. it’s a battle I don’t know how to win..

I will just cry myself to sleep… not before praying that maybe.. just maybe God will be gracious  enough to keep those women out if harms way.. 

They can crush anything, but not the hope that maybe life will be better.. one day.

#KNH

Normal women’s handbag vs my handbag

Am trying to be normal people.. am trying.. in my pursuit to normalcy, I checked out a friend’s handbag.. 

1. Lipstick

2. Hairbrush.. (jeez.. her hair is braided. What’s a brush for?)

3. Lip balm.. (really??)

4. Sunscreen.. eerrr.. what’s that for? 

5. Hand lotion.. (are we moving out or something?)

6. Petroleum jelly.. someone kill me already.

7. Panty liners and pads.. pads really?? Pads should show up in the handbag during that time.. Liners.. oh well.. lucky suckers.. they get to get into my bag too.

8. Charger.. totally normal

9. Tissue and wipes… (rolls my eyes)
My handbag.

1. Liners.. oh well.. at least am normal

2. Hand sanitizer.. I might need to start eating somewhere I can’t access water.. and honestly I can’t afford upset stomach.. I would be dysfunctional..

3. Bread.. eerrr.. wait.. somewhere during the day I will be offered tea. It’s only wise to have my own bread.

4. Plums.. remember me? The villager? There’s no way plums season is passing me by without feeding daily on them.

5. Dewormer.. it’s been long.. I have to maintain a clean stomach to keep the appetite.. this is normal people.. it’s normal.

6. Charger and earphones.. duh!! What did you expect? 

7. Tissue.. am only human..

8. Coffee satchet.. what would I do if I start feeling sleepy people? What would I do? Am equipped.. 

Well, as I go through security check.. the guard is smiling at me weirdly.. 

Creepy humans..

Enjoy your weekend and keep safe!!!

Raised metabolism

Well, I saw some nutritionist one week ago and after weighing my BMI and metabolism rate, the only thing I got are negative comments. 

1. Am 4 kilos above my normal weight.

2. My metabolism age is older than my real age by 15 years. 

The later has contributed to my gaining weight… 

Nutrionist advice? Take foods that raise my metabolism rate. How do I know it’s raised? Lots of body warmth.

I have been cold blooded for all my life. It’s rare for me to be without a sweater. 

Trying to follow that advice got me suicidal. Am too warm. I hate it. All I want is to be cold again.. I even voluntarily took a cold shower.. I hate  every moment of it. My sweaters are not needed. I can’t even sleep in peace under blankets. At one point of the night am tossing and turning.. my legs are burning up.. 

I have become some thermal thingie and I hate it. I hate it soo much.. am willing to maintain the weight. 

Am sure Kenya power can tap some energy.. honestly fatness here I come. I might burn inside out..

#WorshipWednesday

Above all things you are God, who does mighty wonders..

My heart is joyful, because I know you are the Lord who fights on my behalf.

#worshipwednesday

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