Normal women’s handbag vs my handbag

Am trying to be normal people.. am trying.. in my pursuit to normalcy, I checked out a friend’s handbag.. 

1. Lipstick

2. Hairbrush.. (jeez.. her hair is braided. What’s a brush for?)

3. Lip balm.. (really??)

4. Sunscreen.. eerrr.. what’s that for? 

5. Hand lotion.. (are we moving out or something?)

6. Petroleum jelly.. someone kill me already.

7. Panty liners and pads.. pads really?? Pads should show up in the handbag during that time.. Liners.. oh well.. lucky suckers.. they get to get into my bag too.

8. Charger.. totally normal

9. Tissue and wipes… (rolls my eyes)
My handbag.

1. Liners.. oh well.. at least am normal

2. Hand sanitizer.. I might need to start eating somewhere I can’t access water.. and honestly I can’t afford upset stomach.. I would be dysfunctional..

3. Bread.. eerrr.. wait.. somewhere during the day I will be offered tea. It’s only wise to have my own bread.

4. Plums.. remember me? The villager? There’s no way plums season is passing me by without feeding daily on them.

5. Dewormer.. it’s been long.. I have to maintain a clean stomach to keep the appetite.. this is normal people.. it’s normal.

6. Charger and earphones.. duh!! What did you expect? 

7. Tissue.. am only human..

8. Coffee satchet.. what would I do if I start feeling sleepy people? What would I do? Am equipped.. 

Well, as I go through security check.. the guard is smiling at me weirdly.. 

Creepy humans..

Enjoy your weekend and keep safe!!!

Dear single ladies (with morals)

Well, dear ones this is how you know Satan has taken up your case personally because his demons have failed to lure you into helping someone’s husband cheat; he sends more than 4 married men on your back within two weeks..

Unbelievable, right? Well, story of my life..  I have been lucky with two of them because they were darn ugly and I really felt for their wives… it should be on the billboards all over the world.. YOU CAN’T BE UGLY AND STILL WANT TO CHEAT!!!

Unluckily, it isn’t. Well, the game has been upped.. the next guy is good looking, a smooth liar. And well, I am a sucker at refusing to go out with a guy with a great height.. coffee it is.

I go home thinking maybe finally,  I have left the unmarriage-able likes of Madge Naomi and Debz just to mention a few..
When I get home I get a text.
‘Hi’
Well, that guy..
Followed by a call. Guess what? Did he change into a woman??

‘Did he tell you he is married?’ She asks..
‘Nope’.

‘Well, he is.. ‘

Wow.. the following day I get a text..
‘Hi Winnie’…
I am tempted to text ‘get ye behind me Satan’ but am calm enough to text
‘Now who is this? You or your wife?’

He doesn’t text back..
I have always sworn that I won’t help someone cheat on his wife.. some woman who loves the bastard who ain’t worth it.. it causes unnecessary pain, first to me as a single woman, to innocent kids and to the wife..
It ain’t worth anything..

Apparently, the devil is working really hard to break this one..

A really good looking guy, married with two kids…
Damn.. Do men always come as a package? Nkt..

Anyway, dear single ladies who got morals, if he cheats on his wife with you, he will cheat on you with another one..
Join me in this prayer and let’s get real intercessors not the likes of Lalyne..

Do not lead us to temptation, but deliver us from evil, for thy is the kingdom, the power and the glory.. amen

As for guys who can’t keep a word, don’t get married.. be single your entire life.
The damage you do is irrevocable.

Finally I have taken up a new relationship status..

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Tuesday Rant

Well, every damn thing seems set against me this time.. Even my very old unmarried friend (am not mentioning Faith Kaibere) dared start war on Facebook about my marital status .. what to say *sighs*.. The stars are just against me man..

Just a few days ago, I was to shop for a girl. I couldn’t access her because of the children’s home regulations so I had to send cash. Just yesterday, she called me up. She doesn’t have some stuff.. well, some of the cash I sent disappeared miraculously… or maybe we are back to the era of magic? In my status, I seriously could believe so.

As if that’s not enough, someone I want to believe in me so badly stated that he/she doesn’t..
Damn…. I never thought this day would ever come.

Well, as if that’s not enough, my lip succumbed to I dunno what. I woke up swollen and feeling like crap.. I think some really good flu is catching up with me…

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Seriously can’t bad things spread out and happen one at a time?

Anyway, lemme go back to sleep.. Life is darn short.. I will smile (though my lip won’t cooperate) when I can always.
Blessed week folks.

Is it a relationship?

He is good looking
When he wants you, nothing can keep him away
When he has you, garners  his attention
He doesn’t care if you are hurt so long as you don’t go away..

You are attracted to him
You keep flying back to him
He can’t hold his anger
So he hurts you, just a bit

Just like a moth
You play around fire
You can’t resist
Flames lick it’s wings..
Just a bit
It flies away
But it can’t keep away

The flame keeps burning
Beckoning the moth
It draws it..
The game goes on..
By and by the wings of the moth
Are totally charred
It can’t fly away
Into the fire it leans
With no qualms the fire keeps burning

Same fate befalls you
If you can’t resist the fire
Once your wings waste away
And you can no longer fly
The fire will devour you
And the flame will keep going
To draw more moths..

Fly away dear moth
Fly away and don’t turn back
It will do you good..

A bad relationship is like standing on broken glass, if you stay you will keep hurting? If you walk away, you will hurt but eventually you will heal.    

Autumn Kohler

Observer

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As I get to Chandarana Lavington, I feel like crap. Walking for a few minutes when you are going down with a flu isn’t a cup of tea. I could just give a pass, but I need the money.. I have to work.

I walk directly to my section; the toothpaste. I can feel consumers who are shopping stare at me as I hurriedly walk past them in my white clinging dress labelled SENSODYNE.

For some, it looks good. For the toothpaste users, they are waiting for me to take a breath so that they can pounce at me.. yet, it isn’t my fault 75ml of the paste is going for Five hundred Kenyan shillings equivalent to 5 dollars.. it isn’t.

I am in no mood to chat with anyone. I wish I could plug in earphones, but how am I going to talk to customers?

I am arranging the shelf to look better when Sally, the blueband girl passes by to say hi. She has one of the Supermarket tailing her.
He catches up with her and cleverly pins her against the wall a blind spot for the cameras..
She tries to push him but she can’t. Every other attendant is just staring at them. She pushes him and he is stronger than her. He rans his hands over her and I can’t stand it anymore..

‘What are you doing?’ I ask stepping towards them..

‘It’s none of your business’ he answers.
Well, am not amused. I am new and I have several enemies already. But I can afford a few others..

‘That’s sexual harassment’ I say
He lets her go and turns around me..
In the morning really??
‘Look Sensodyne, you are stupid and full of yourself. Just the other day you threw you pineapple at me and now you can’t mind your business’..

‘You are harassing her..’

‘She likes it..’
I glare at him. He eventually retreats but I can tell we will have trouble in the near future..

‘Sally.. you can report him. Or I can do it for you.. ‘ I turn to her.

‘He is just messing around. I think he is funny. ‘ She says

‘Wait, are you serious?? He calls you stupid girl all the time and says you kiss him whenever he wants.. he is insulting you’..

‘No. He isn’t. And about throwing that pineapple on his face. That was rude. It’s a taboo to do it in my culture’.. She says

I am so angry. I can’t control myself..

‘Well, it’s good we don’t share a culture or anything’..

‘Yo.. stupid girl, come here.. leave that Sensodyne….’

Everyone is quiet. The manager passes by.
‘Morning Sensodyne. Are you alright?’ –
‘Am okay Godwin. Can everyone stick to their lines please? I don’t want them over here’.
Sure..
‘Everyone stick to their lines please’. He says, gives me a smile and walks away.

Soon as he leaves, the Supermarket attendant with his drank friend are standing against Sally. One has his hand on her shoulder. The other one looks as if he is going to kiss her. For a moment she looks a bit scared. Her eyes dart and find mine..

I turn away. We need more customers in. If they don’t flow in, I have to keep observing those men take advantage of a 19 year old who needs beating to get sense in her head.

My day is gonna be long. I already have a headache

Emotions

My head hurts like crazy.. It is like am dragging my feet to get me home.. I don’t remember if I took lunch…
I groan inwardly as I approach home. I just want to keep walking. To get lost amongst people and semi dark earthen roads. Nobody could know who I am. I could get away.. I could just disappear… but who am I kidding? I don’t even know why that happens..
Well, it has been an okay day. As I watched one older guy sign my data sheet today and smile warmly at me, I suddenly missed having a father. Like a physical one..
I can’t help feel guilty at the thought of how good God has been to me..   a father.. I remind myself  of those with nobody…
But today I can’t fight that feeling.. I wish he was there to watch me grow.. shout at me, see me off to school.. I still feel that gnawing want.. being held by a father when crossing roads..
What came over me?

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.. I am almost home and the song Good father by Chris Tomlin is playing..
Still… it’s just not working today.. 😦

Happiness

If someone decides they’re not going to be happy, it’s not your problem. You don’t have to spend your time and energy trying to cheer up someone who has already decided to stay in a bad mood. Believe it or not, you can actually hurt people by playing into their self-pity.
Joyce Meyer

Winnie

Dear Nigerians

My brodas and sistos I hope you are from Nigeria not Ghana or any other West African country. You are the first group of people that I have nothing positive about.. maybe you should be happy you are the first.
Now listen, I have no issues with you being in our country or malls or acting like Nigeria bought Kenya so you are just enjoying the fruits of your hard labor. I even have no issues on the fact that all your young men do is hit our girls, lie to them, lay them and dump them. Girls should know better..
But I have issues on your loud mouths. Didn’t your West African neighbors tell that your accent is horrible? I really can’t stand it.. worse off, is it how you talk or is it that you think most Kenyans have hearing problems?? You talk like you are telling the whole world
‘ brodas and sistos, my accent na be very very bad now. Look at me na.. am Nigorean.. ‘

Second, if you dare be rude to me… ‘ dear broda we gon be fighting like crazy’
Today I watched one of your people shout negatively and the girls holding out the ‘ okoa dada campaign’ ( rescue a sister campaign. People are approached to give a packet of sanitary towel. The towels are then given to orphans and the poor poor)
That wasn’t cool of you. I would be really disappointed if it was a Ghanaian. Now, either learn to behave in my country or stay in the houses and find someone to shop for you. Better still, you can always be in church praying that Boko Haram doesn’t get your people..
Do anything else. Don’t talk. I will be working on deporting you back to your country.

always winnie

When he is too old

Sometimes I feel like karma is getting back at me for breaking up with young and able guys or why else would someone soo old approach me??

Karma please… I have decided that after every break up, I will commit to a repentance session because if another old man approaches me, I will commit suicide and karma will have won. Nobody will manage to convince me otherwise.

Just the other day I had to deal with an old Arab, now an old white?? I actually mean old.. like maybe seventy year old!!! These people are ruining my self esteem which I have been trying to build since I was young.. Do I look like 60 or maybe 50?? Now my esteem is undergoing a recession and I have to frequent places with mirrors to reassure myself..

An old guy smiles at me at a mall I refuse to turn away thinking that he might think of adopting me. I give a stiff smile and think maybe it is time I got a new parent who will not complain about my hair. I even imagine myself visiting my mum with the craziest hairstyle and she won’t complain. My happy thoughts are cut short when I realize that the old man has no intentions of adopting me..
What the heck!!! Old guy (not that I have anything against old people, but I love them when they realize they can only be grandparents) you ain’t planning on adoption??
And why then are you even looking at me?? Turn away!! My insides are churning.. go away.. no no no.. move on and accept you aged!!!

To restore my esteem, I will need a new mirror.. I will have to remind me that I am still not old..

always winnie

Why am I still single?

I am on my bed staring into the darkness and I choose to blame others for my inactivity. I don’t have a new movie because nobody made an effort to download any, I can’t watch t.v because after so many nights of sleeping early, mami has all of a sudden a program to watch after I spotted a good movie on one of the channels… well, what to do except get into bed with my phone??

My mind wanders to the many times I have said or given ideas on relationships.. I am sorry for those who took any of my words seriously because… well look at me. I could want to say I am miserable but nay… am damn bored.. why can’t I have a boyfriend who wants to call me up and talk about nothing?? Ugh.. sometimes I feel like cursing the world for not realizing that I am one of the few it will have..  I am worried though that the reason I don’t have anyone to send aimless texts to is because I am utterly suspicious of everybody. A guy texts me

Hi

I am kind enough because I definitely text back

Hi. Who is it?? What do you want??

But seriously, come on… this world is not a good place. Everyone has vested interests and I am just cautious enough not to want to be part of them.

So now I lay in bed, my muscles hurt from too much from badminton play yesterday. My head keeps hurting and I might end up going for an eye check up and I hope no specs for me coz I hate them. What I am trying to say here is I am a good girl with no strength at all.. but why am a still freaking single??

always winnie

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