Questioning Religion

According to Desmond Tutu: “When the missionaries first came to Africa, they had the Bible and we had the land. They said, “Let us pray.” We closed our eyes. when we opened them, we had the Bible and they had the land!” Was he right?

I don’t know where to start with this one. Normally i usually have a clue of what i actually want to say. With this shit, i dunno. It is strange and weird to question what i have always known. It is weird to think along those lines and i feel like i am wrong. Yet I can’t stop.

Religion; Opium of masses…. What we turn to. Where we go. Every human got this innate desire to look for a supreme power. For me, it has been Christ and God. I have never questioned that until when i was in my teens. My mum said something about wishing we always followed the old ways. She is a good Christian. When i questioned her, she said she only believed in Christ because he shed blood.

‘Blood has always been powerful. When our fathers wanted rains, they shed blood. When they sought out forgiveness, they shed blood. When they were breaking curses, they shed blood. So there is definite power in the blood. Those people born naturally with destructive powers for something they admire, they wre cheated into looking at blood and they lost that power for a while. Then it was repeated until they would learn to control it. Blood is really powerful.’

‘Why would you doubt the religion then?’ I ask.
She looks at me at shakes her head.

‘They came with the Bible. When we were busy learning about their religion, they took our land. They tortured our people.. They raped, they mutilated, they oppressed.. There is nothing they did not do. They turned us against each other. Yet, their religion is supposed to be about love.” This i hear from one of my friends who is in pursuit of our traditional ways.

I open my whatsapp messenger and am met by a song that is played currently but was composed by the freedom fighters as a prayer.. It is so close to our day in day out prayers, yet those who fought hadn’t embraced the religion..
As i look into it, one of my other friends sends me verses from the Bible that encourage slavery. I am going crazy trying to explain, just like my mum, I believe in the power of the blood. But, I can’t help question everything..

Well, here is the song in my local language, i will try my best to translate it and would love to hear any comments or thoughts..

Ngai Mwega we mûtangîri wa ita {Good God who minds the army]
Mwamûkîri magongona ma andû airû [Who accepts black people’s sacrifices]
Ngai ûrî mbere tûtingîhotwo nî thûû [God if you are before us, our enemies can defeat us]
Mwene Nyaga;Twakûhoya [owner of the dazzling light, we pray unto you]

Tûhoyaga wendani na gîtîo [We pray for love and respect]
Na thaa nyingî cia wendo wa rûûrîrî [Lots of mercy for the love of the tribe]
ûiguano wa Gîkûyû na Mûmbi [For good relations between Gikuyu and Mumbi]
Mwene Nyaga;Twakûhoya [Owner of Dazzling Light we pray unto you]

Twakûhoya tûkonana twî ithuothe [ We pray that we shall all see each other]
Kuuma Ngong’u nginya karîma tûra [ From Ngong’ to Tura mountains]
Hîndî îyo kîeha nîgîgathira [Then our sadness will end]
Njamba cia ita,na aciari aitû [Army warriors, and our parents]

Î kamatimù mûrûagîra ûkombo [Kamatimu fights slavery]
Njamba cia ita ikîrûîra bûrûri [Amy warriors fighting for the country]
Twatigîirwo nî Gîkûyû na Mûmbi [Left to us by Gikuyu and Mumbi]
Mwene Nyaga, Twakûhoya [Owner of Dazzling Light we pray unto you]

Ngai Mwega we mûtangîri wa ita
Mwamûkîri magongona ma andû airû
Ngai ûrî mbere tûtingîhotwo nî thûû
Mwene Nyaga;Twakûhoya

Tûhoyaga wendani na gîtîo
Na thaa nyingî cia wendo wa rûûrîrî
ûiguano wa Gîkûyû na Mûmbi
Mwene Nyaga;Twakûhoya

Î we Ngai, î we Ngai [Oh God, Oh God]
Ngai wa maithe maitû Nowe Ngai, [ God of our forefathers you the only God]
Nîwe Ngai ;Mwene Nyaga Ngai ,nowe Ngai [You are God, Owner of Dazzling light, the only God]
We no we Ngai [You are the only God]
We watoranîirie njamba cia ita [You won battles for the army warriors]

As I look at this prayer which makes more sense untranslated, i can’t help wonder what would have happened if they did not come all this way to teach us their ways?

Bible thoughts

So recently I have been learning to read my Bible daily..
The book of Joshua is what am reading and the most interesting thing is that there is war that ‘The Army of the Lord’ fought for Israelites..
I am left with so questions..
I also think there is something about the number 7…
My favorite verse so far is


Any guys with favorite verses in Joshua?

When passion Reigns..

‘I always wanted to have rice and chapati and rice.. I always wanted to live in a house that doesn’t leak.. I wanted a house that had light so I didn’t have to grope in the darkness to find my way to where my sleeping space was.. ‘
Every one of us is quiet. I feel myself swallow up a lump. Tears threaten. I don’t know if it is sadness for her past or awe at her passion.
‘ when I started this, we started in a house that leaked. The kids and I slept on the floor. The house was dark.. the roof did leak. Every time it rained, I had to feel where the kids were sleeping to know if they were being rained on. People said I was stupid.  How could I help yet I was so poor?
But I wasn’t. Total dependence on God was all I had and is all I still have. If we slept hungry, He is God. If he gave us food, He is God’

She pauses and you can tell that everyone is awake.
The noisy lot of youths was totally quiet.
I smiled at the thought of how hard it is to have them this controlled. This woman did have them all awed.
‘ I kept going because I knew I couldn’t be reborn. I would struggle to give these kids what I didn’t get. The opportunity that nobody offered me. I ain’t giving up none of these up for adoption. None of them is gonna be a househelp at 9  years as I was. None of them is going to be 17, pregnant and helpless as I was. None of them is going to get married to a man that nobody in the whole neighbourhood doesn’t want..
These are my kids. My family. I will watch them graduate, get married and marry. Then I will hear their young ones call me grandma.
That way I will have everything I would ever have wanted on this earth..’
She nods at me to mean she is done..
I can’t find my voice.. it got lost somehow..
I feel a strange voice out of me say
‘You guys go ahead and ask questions’


Right there in the middle is the Founder of Mother Little Angels Hearts Family home doing the ‘chill’ sign with Sam, Bonnie, Eva and I .. names from left.
She is one of a kind

Finding limitless love

I sit at the hospital feeling cold. I watch my brother’s back and he rocks himself back and forth on his seat. I tap his shoulder and he gives a bleak look.

‘ how are you feeling?? ‘

‘ Not that bad’
he answers me and clutches his stomach. No matte how hard he tries to hide it, I can almost touch his pain. I look around the waiting area and all I can see are sick and more sick people. I want to call somebody and just talk. I take out my phone and scroll down on the contact list. I settle for Debbie. The call doesn’t go through. I walk a bit further from my brother and observe him from a distance. He is still rocking himself. He bends further and I feel helpless. I feel so cold. I want someone to hold me and tell me he will be well.

My contact list again. I don’t know who to call and I simply let it pass. His wife already has had an emotional breakdown and I am the strongest here. Just that I don’t feel strong. I don’t want to be strong. My imagination takes me to the grave and back. Memories take me back to watching helplessly as my dad faded away. I don’t want to be strong.

I sit there with hands on my chin. Then I realize, I have been overlooking a friend who has always been there and will always be there. I realize I could be whispering a prayer to Jesus and just telling him to help be strong for my brother. I realize it is me who has been wandering from my friend. I sit there quietly and pray that He could grant me grace, peace and let me have a new heart do as to be courageous enough. It is me who has been failing him.
I may want a human friend to hold my hand or hold and console me, but I have a friend whose love is limitless. All I need is to ask Him to hold my hand and I will be engulfed with limitless love.

always winnie

Dear God

Today is a fine day. I am grateful for it.
Forgive me for being  a moron, ungrateful and disobedient most of times.

Create me a big heart.
Bless all people in accordance to your grace and will.
Give them a good day for those in my time zone and for those sisters I have met whilst here in other time zone, be gracious unto them.

I believe in you and always will. Amen

always winnie

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