Author: winfred

A simple girl learning and working to empower other girls
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Appreciating Life

Life; sometimes we hold unto it and act as if it belongs to us. Most times we act as if it is given that tomorrow will come for us despite watching those that we either cherished or knew fade away. Most times we think that death is far away and good health. Until it is not.

We set up our plans as usual and grumble here and there. We complain about what is around us and try to achieve what we think we might need forgetting to appreciate what we have right there in our hands. We chase and chase and chase until we are also blown away and like vapour we disappear.

I am teaching myself the art of appreciating life and the least of things. To raising a cup of gratitude for what i have and not wasting time on what i don’t have or could have had.

So to a meal that i had, to the life that i have, to shelter over my head, to the warmth of family, to the air i breath so freely, to the steps i take effortlessly, to the words i utter.. Everything in this life is made to be appreciated and given thanks for. Remember to keep your gratitude journal close by. Write everything you are grateful for, however little it is. Read it at the end of the month and let it open your eyes May gratitude be your portion this month.

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Surviving as a parent

Another parenting post.. I am not sorry because this is the road we are taking and it is time now. I am now the non-fun version of myself,, Now, Nairobi is just one city of chaos,, For those living in apartments and you have to pay for a play area or forever suffer the unending nagging and cries of the consequences of your actions. You sit and wonder whether you were actually ready and sometimes you actually break down and just cry.

Well, for the sake of your own sanity, find a good daycare and leave those tiny gremlins there once in a while, and just take a break. Go get a massage or something. I’d advise you go back to the house but who are you kidding? You will start deep cleaning those corners that have been long forgotten.

The other good thing you could do is leave them with your partner or husband and listen to them terrorize them.. That stuff is therapeutic.

For stay-at-home mums, apart from getting a break now and then, when you are unwell please act like you are dying. Exaggerate it until your partner offers to take you to the hospital. There is no harder work than looking after kids. It is harder when you have multiples.

Anyway, I am just blabbering here as i learn how to cope with this chapter. Also, i need a holiday and a few million bucks

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To all mums out there

Since i became a mum, the level of respect that i have for mums has upped.

I have always considered myself as one who respects mums considering i have been raised by one who really worked hard to see us become better persons. She cried, begged and was ready to fight all odds… I have realized though that i had no slight idea of what was going on in her mind or heart until i got my twins.

Those lil humans can drive you crazy that you want to just run away and at the same time you don’t want to run because they are your everything. You want the best for them and i can’t imagine what my mum had to withstand every time a relative or kids made fun of us and she had no means of defending us.

I have come to realize the most motivated people are mums, the most courageous people are mums.. I have had this desire to achieve more and to be a better person. I have also learned that the word selfish does not exist in mom’s diaries..

So as we close the year, i want to just wish all mums courage, strength, financial breakthrough, more grace and everything good. It is your love that should be recognized always. i salute y’all.

PS; There should have been a warning that once you become a mum it is your duty to make sure that all holidays and special days memorable.. This is harder than i thought. Also it is me finding everything in the house..

Here is to mums

  • “When you are looking at your mother, you are looking at the purest love you will ever know.” —Charley Benetto
  • “Mother is the heartbeat in the home; and without her, there seems to be no heartthrob.” —Leroy Brownlow
  • “Mothers are like glue. Even when you can’t see them, they’re still holding the family together.” —Susan Gale
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2022 changes

Well, it has been a minute since i wrote anything. Honestly i don’t think i can write any longer but i will try.. Don’t judge me.

I have been on this site since forever and i have decided it’s time you all crowned me ‘Grandma of WordPress’.. Whether you like it or not, i will be giving you advice on how to live day to day life instead of writing about my Nairobi life. That bit is dead now. I work, look after my twins and have zero social life..

This change was bound to happen as you know, ‘Change is inevitable apart from a vending machine’.

I really hope you all enjoy. Happy and blessed 2022.

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Pain

When i first hear her screams, i don’t react. I just lay on the cold mattress wondering how i am going to get through my own pain. I keep thinking that i don’t know how to get through this. Her screams get louder and women start talking.

‘She should be quieter’ , one says..

‘She should control herself’. another one chirps

I just stare in the ceiling wondering if she is gonna survive.

As she draws nearer, my mind concentrates on her screams. I can’t hear the other women. Her voice is anguished and she sounds like pain itself. I don’t understand how women keep doing this.. My mind drifts to the many times i have ran into women with five kids and all i can think of is how crazy and strong they are. This shit isn’t for the light hearted.

I dunno at what point i drift off but the next thing i know is that a nurse friend is tapping my shoulder. ‘I am going to help you walk. There is something i want you to see and hear.’

I want to argue i don’t have the energy but i don’t. We walk slowly and join a few women sitting outside the ultra sound room. The nurse nods at the women and we sit. I don’t know exactly why i am here but i sit anyway.

I observe around me and there is a pregnant woman held by an older woman. They are both crying. With them are other three women. They all look downcast. At some point the pregnant woman starts screaming. It is the same anguished cry..

Before i can ask, a doctor comes out the ultra sound room. He also looks beat. He asks if he can speak and all comes up with is ‘i am sorry’.. The pregnant woman lets out an anguished scream.. I don’t understand still. My nurse friend helps me up and on our way back she explain.. ‘ Her baby died in her womb. They are going to take her to theater immediately. She is still at the same risk of losing as much blood as you lost. She has to fight to keep awake otherwise her blood pressure plummets.. Yet after all that, she leaves that room with no baby.’

As she helps me up the cold bed I can’t help but feel the tears fall.

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Hello 2021

Crazy, right? I don’t even remember if i have posted anything this year. This has been a blur… Fighting, learning and surviving.. Mainly surviving. I just hope everyone’s okay and well.. I am back hopefully.

Happy 2021!!

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Maybe we will see better days

Today, the sun is up.. Neither too hot nor too overtaken by the breeze. I can feel just the right warmth… Only that the warmth doesn’t permeate into the heart. I sit alone on some bench. The bench is outside our usual beans joint.. The only thing is, the joint is closed. So I am alone.

The dust isn’t as much. The rains, just a few days ago settled the dust.Once in a few minutes, a kid will run by and others will go chasing after them. The freedom.. The kids are barefooted.. They are happy and stress free. They scream their lungs out and laugh. I just can’t help to wish that I can go back to those days when my biggest worry was how to avoid homework.

The wind blows gently and doesn’t rouse much dust. I want to cry so hard for those mothers that can’t feed their families.. That are watching their kids waste away due to lack of food.. I want to weep for kids that are locked up with monsters that are molesting them.. But what good does weeping do?

I shift my thoughts to our politics.. To our country. My brain freezes. The greed in this country is just depressing.. I can’t think.. So i prefer to dwell on my own woes.. The sun no longer feels as warm.. The breeze no longer feels as good…. I want to watch for birds.. but what for? I want to hope for better days.. Maybe, maybe not..

Maybe we will see better days… Maybe we won’t.. Maybe we will waste away with pandemic.. Maybe we will always wear masks.. Maybe children will never go back to school.. Maybe this country will eventually be divide between China and our politicians.. Maybe we are royally screwed up..

Or maybe, we will see better days..