Love? Maybe not

Hmm… I am a self proclaimed love guru this year… remember? Yea.. my relationship seems to have moved past honeymoon stage.. I am up at 12:12 a.m… I am having issues with bae.. (my bed in particular).

I have been wondering if we ever fall in love.. really. Do we? It’s all in our minds. (Please the like of Maggie Naomi keep off.. same to Karen.. you guys are emotionally retarded.. romantically that is.)

I have once thought of myself in love. It’s has even extended to years of feeling bad because of how unsuccessful it was.. but something I have learnt so far, out of sight, out of mind.. another stranger here and there. Scratching my head and thinking ‘really him? Really?’

‘Marry that guy who gives you the feeling you get when you see food’ 

Damn.. is there any hope for marriage really? Lower that standard.. nobody is gonna give that feeling.. maybe the feeling of soda on bad craving days.. the feeling of cucumber when watching weight.. but honestly the feeling of food?? Food?? Really food?? 

Especially if that food is delicious..  noo.. too high standards for mere mortals..

Let’s discuss this. As of now let me beg bae to take me back.. I might have spent 10 hours yesternight.  Bae is feeling overworked. Goodnight this morning.. blessed Sunday!!

As a woman

Well, I have been under the sun for close to 27 years now.. not young, not old enough to ooze of wisdom, yet as a woman I have learnt..

1

Treat myself

Wait.. what did you expect? I love eating.. so treating myself is simply, feed yourself Winnie with all delicacies.. spoil myself.. 

Nobody else will. So, with that said, lemme enjoy chicken roti then realize it’s mid January and I will broke the entire month. 

I can’t wait for Valentine’s too.. am getting more food you know?? Any suggestions on Mexican cuisine?

2. Love myself

Hi Winnie. I love you. This is me telling me even at my worst. Sometimes, we aren’t good enough to anybody including family.. you can only love yourself and remind yourself  that only other being who loves you limitlessly is God.

3. Nobody can hurt me unless I allow them

It’s me and God against the world. I won’t allow anyone to put me down. This has taken a lot of training. The closest to hurt I come is irritation. If someone irritates me or makes uncomfortable, I have the power to kick you out of my life. I have no time whatsoever to waste on such people. 

I hate hurting people back unless it’s called for.. what? Am not a saint.
4. I am beautiful no matter what you think

There was a time when a comment about my body made me feel bad.. a comment on my boobs.. a comment on my ass or my size.. a comment on my hair.. I would feel like am not beautiful enough.. 

Then I trained myself on leaning towards the positive.. like a taylor commenting on how small my waist is.. like a friend saying my boobs look amazing.  Like my friend saying tall girls are always beautiful.. 

I have learned to appreciate myself. I only watch my weight not to get me on the wrong side of BMI.. nothing else.

I am beautiful. I am fearfully and wonderfully made.. If you think otherwise, that’s your problem. If you think there’s a part of me that I should change, work on yourself. Don’t project your insecurities on me. If you think I should change my walking style, go ahead and give birth to your own kid.. train it in your ways. I haven’t heard my mama complain.

5. Be myself

I am Winnie. Then it is so on earth and heavens. I can only work on improving my weaknesses where necessary.. at times though, am strongest when weak. 

I just saw the Tusker Project Fame judge with a tshirt written

‘i love curves

I love my curls

I love my height

I love my laugh

I love heritage

I simply love being me’
Wise, right?? Well, learn from the weakest of them all.. me.  Love yourself woman.

Falling in love with yourself if the beginning of life long romance..

Enjoy your life .

Now let me eat.. wait.. did I just use my next week fare on food . Damn it!!

Closer married men.. closer

Well, dear brethren, you are gathered here because a fraction of you is behaving super stupidly. Did I say super? Repeat super..

You have a wife in your house. We as your fellow villagers, we know of. We also as your fellow villagers respect it.. 

However, you have decided you can’t be respected. All of a sudden, our bodies are slim, with awesome boobs and fine asses. No fat on our stomach abs. So dresses agree with us.

Your wife, who almost died while giving birth to your child is no longer good enough. You have decided to pursue us of fine asses.. 

Oh no no no brother… ain’t gonna happen. First we of the mortal females race (with brains) know that once we bring forth a baby, our so fine abs wouldn’t be so fine.. our so firm boobs might get a problem, then what? Move to the next?

We of the female race (mortals with brains) do not hurt another woman that way. For your stupidity. We call her aside and give her the cucumber, milk and flour breast firming concotion.. we go ahead and introduce her to one fine Keiara Lashae’s dance videos.. with no time, she be spotting fine ass, abs and superb boobs. 

We refuse to succumb to you mr advances. We also want to remind you, you don’t deserve that woman in your house if that’s how you disrespect her. 

You are too low for any mortal female (include animals here) to stoop to your level. 

Love is blind though.. we shall not blame that beautiful woman who saw something in you ( which by the way might not exist) that we shall never see. 

You should be at her disposal always. She is one of a kind. But then, your brain relocated to your lower parts of the body.. what is expected of you?

Well, time is over.. you are hereby dismissed. Go and behave yourselves. Your fellow villagers are ashamed of you that are misbehaving.

As of you who are amazing.. we salute you. You make yourselves, your maker and your wives proud. Blessed be thy souls. Go ye and preach to your fallen brethren. 

2018 so far

Well, am in a cranky mood. One of my 2018 resolutions was to keep away from sarcastic conversations with someone I will never tell you about.. in a bid to keep away from that, I lost the number and unfriended on Facebook.. pathetic move. It’s like quitting a drug.. it’s hard. Am suffering withdrawal symptoms. I am in bad moods.. I need a rehab honestly. Bad habits die hard. 

One of my pregnant colleagues is continuously picking on me and insulting.. I keep praying continually and confessing in my head ( forgive me father for considering insulting a pregnant woman.. but it’s not my fault she is pregnant.. neither is any of my many brothers).

She has made me a target and well, being me, keeping quiet is hurting me.. my fingers itch to chat with my partner in crime.. but well, I cannot. Reasons withheld. Now please someone talk to a woman before I ruin her esteem.. 

Anyway, too much complaining.. I have lost 2.4 kilos. . Am sooooo proud of myself. 

2018 so far is great.. am yet to point any major great thing though. Am still sitting still and waiting for my God.. I know it won’t be the same and I will be happy  to come share..

As of now my browser history is

How to mute pregnant women

How to subtly insult pregnant women so they don’t cry

How to get over an addiction. 

How to eat without getting fat.. 

.

For ‘would have been Lovers’

This is to that guy who thought he was doing her a favor by letting her go..

By shutting her out, 

Cause he thought he isn’t good enough..

You are a fool..

This is to that guy.. that who let a genuine girl go

Cause his ego is bigger than his brain.. 

You will die miserable.

This is to that guy

Who used her and dumped her

Cause his brain is in his dick

You deserve castration
This is for that guy

Who took an awesome girl for granted

Cause he is too self absorbed

You are a boy.
This is to that girl

Who gave up on him

Cause she thought she isn’t good enough

You will be miserable.

This is to the girl

Who chose money over heart

You will pay every single penny
This is for the girl

Who insulted him

Cause of his soft heart

You my sister are unreedemable..

This is to all would have been lovers

But didn’t give it a chance

Cause you were too scared, too stupid, too anything else..

I feel sorry for you..

I hope you don’t settle for less.

Cause you live only once.. you can’t afford to be miserably yapping

‘We would have been lovers’ for your entire life..

For ‘would have been Lovers’

This is to that guy who thought he was doing her a favor by letting her go..

By shutting her out, 

Cause he thought he isn’t good enough..

You are a fool..

This is to that guy.. that who let a genuine girl go

Cause his ego is bigger than his brain.. 

You will die miserable.

This is to that guy

Who used her and dumped her

Cause his brain is in his dick

You deserve castration
This is for that guy

Who took an awesome girl for granted

Cause he is too self absorbed

You are a boy.
This is to that girl

Who gave up on him

Cause she thought she isn’t good enough

You will be miserable.

This is to the girl

Who chose money over heart

You will pay every single penny
This is for the girl

Who insulted him

Cause of his soft heart

You my sister are unreedemable..

This is to all would have been lovers

But didn’t give it a chance

Cause you were too scared, too stupid, too anything else..

I feel sorry for you..

I hope you don’t settle for less.

Cause you live only once.. you can’t afford to be miserably yapping

‘We would have been lovers’ for your entire life..

Resolutions 2018

Hey.. it’s 2018 already.. I know you all are crossing fingers together with my mum hoping how the first resolution is marriage but well, let’s not raise our hopes here.. okay? Well, you could at least lower the standards to dating.. sorry but though that one also needs a miracle.. 

No more stalling.. the resolutions are here

1.

Get headphones.

That has been my resolution for the last 3 years.. damn.. someone could actually volunteer. I will eternally be indebted.

2.

Blog more

Ah.. well. A girl can only hope.

3.

Go to church more.

It has been long. Am hopping I will have the zeal to wake up and catch service before work. Nothing gives peace than being in the Lord’s presence.

4.

Exercise.

With the goal of losing a few more kilos maybe. 

5.

Disturb one particular person less.

Well, this person does wonder if I was born to disturb. I promise to behave. 

The rest shall be acquired along the way. I just wish you all a blessed 2018. Keep peace. Preach love and take care of yourselves.

Happy new year family!

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