“I am involved with someone else” I say with finality.
He stares at me standing in his spacious room. He crosses the distance and holds me against him. I just stand there stiffly and hold my hands against myself. He acts like he can’t feel it. He hugs me tight and I can feel myself struggling to breathe. Trying to push him away is like pushing a wall away.
You are hurting me` I whisper..
You are hurting me too… if you go I will kill myself.
I feel myself freeze..
You can’t do that.. I start.
You know you deserve all the best.. I find myself saying.
He stops hugging me and looks into my eyes. I feel myself soften.
‘ you are the best I can have.. ‘ he says and I can see his eyes moisten.
I can’t bring myself to say no. I am in a fix. He looks so broken. It’s like I actually mean the world to him. My strong resolve to get away from him weakens.. I am defenseless.
I almost say yes to him.. then I remember the first time he convinced me to visit him..
‘ It’s my birthday. At least do me this favor’
I realize I was being manipulated. And I was dancing to it.