I sit at the hospital feeling cold. I watch my brother’s back and he rocks himself back and forth on his seat. I tap his shoulder and he gives a bleak look.
‘ how are you feeling?? ‘
‘ Not that bad’
he answers me and clutches his stomach. No matte how hard he tries to hide it, I can almost touch his pain. I look around the waiting area and all I can see are sick and more sick people. I want to call somebody and just talk. I take out my phone and scroll down on the contact list. I settle for Debbie. The call doesn’t go through. I walk a bit further from my brother and observe him from a distance. He is still rocking himself. He bends further and I feel helpless. I feel so cold. I want someone to hold me and tell me he will be well.
My contact list again. I don’t know who to call and I simply let it pass. His wife already has had an emotional breakdown and I am the strongest here. Just that I don’t feel strong. I don’t want to be strong. My imagination takes me to the grave and back. Memories take me back to watching helplessly as my dad faded away. I don’t want to be strong.
I sit there with hands on my chin. Then I realize, I have been overlooking a friend who has always been there and will always be there. I realize I could be whispering a prayer to Jesus and just telling him to help be strong for my brother. I realize it is me who has been wandering from my friend. I sit there quietly and pray that He could grant me grace, peace and let me have a new heart do as to be courageous enough. It is me who has been failing him.
I may want a human friend to hold my hand or hold and console me, but I have a friend whose love is limitless. All I need is to ask Him to hold my hand and I will be engulfed with limitless love.
It has been sometime since I left. In a weird way I still miss you and part of me wants you to call me. Part of me wants to you to hold me possessively as if I matter to you. I want you to lie against your chest and listen to your heart beat. I want to torture you and hear you laugh from your heart. I want to watch you closing your eyes and then open them when you feel me staring at you.
I want you to sneak your hand around my waste when we head out or are shopping. I want to feel you caressing my hand when you are driving. I want you to look at me proudly and tell your friends you got yourself a wife. I want to pick your phone and throw it away when you try to take photos. And you making faces a me. I miss it. I know it’s stupid but it used to make me laugh. I want to get mad at you so that I can watch you helpless and make so many trials to be right. I want to get five calls in the same day because you made me mad.
But understand me, we don’t hold similar values. We don’t hold anything in common apart from looking good together. We are different as earth and heavens. I go away because you didn’t give me a good reason enough as to why I should fight all the differences. You simply stood there and watched as I realized how much you didn’t want me to fight. You waited until I said it was over to fight.
Stop chasing the wind.
In my own selfish way, I still have feelings for you because you will be special to me always. I miss you at times that I want to cry but that will go away I hope soon. I will always be yours.
Father Let Her
Father let her chop off his manhood
Allow her to feed it to the wild dogs also
He doesn’t deserve to belong to the class of
His continued association with us is constant
Making people look at us with a spiteful eye
Father let her chop it off
He hasn’t cared to pay her bride price
Not even a token of appreciation for her in-laws
Or handshake of gratitude to the elders
Father let my sister chop off his manhood
Allow her to crush his ball also
He doesn’t have the calibre to carry them
Nor any idea why he has them
He continues to spite this clan
By flirting with old women and school girls
Father just allow my sister
He has a habit of beating her while drunk
He has ceased providing for her and her
He doesn’t care what they eat even
Look at how thin she has grown
Her eyes sunk into the sockets of her skull
Bones protruded from her emaciated body
Father let her deal with his manhood
After all it’s of no use to him; to her
He has lost the ability to father a child
And your wait for a grandchild might go to
Father Let her chop his manhood
He insulted my mother at the shopping
Made the boys and the madmen ridicule her
The same hands that raised him a wife
It’s which he now despises
He has brought our family shame
And now people shun us as if we are lame
Before you start calling me crazy, this isn’t a post by me. It is by one of my crazy childhood friend. So am clean here