I believe

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I have always made mistakes and sometimes questioned God as supreme deity on His way of answering prayers or listening. At such times, I am losing it and whatever I am going through pushes me between a rock and a hard place. At times, I have asked for one thing from God and gotten the exact opposite. I simply don’t understand.

I however do not question his existence because I know and I feel it that he is in existence just that I am not familiar with His ways. My growing up, I have known only one father, that is God.
I recall when my bio dad crossed over the pastor made this prayer that stuck into my mind and still is my mind
‘ God, these are young kids and this is a young woman, we as human beings will cry with them today and then go home to our families. We will forget them but you cannot forget them. You know their pain and needs. Your word says you are father to the fatherless, I humbly request you to stand in the gap. Don’t let them go hungry for they are your children. Watch over them and walk with them ‘

I believed in that prayer and I still do because soon after that, my mum got into a depression and stayed in it for about five years. Then when everything went wrong, all I could do was remind God of that prayer.
I completed primary school (elementary) and got to secondary school. My dad’s brother stood for my dad and took up the responsibility of paying for all the expenses and I felt like I had a father until one close relative kept reminding me that he  wasn’t my father. Then, I knew I just had one father who I wouldn’t fight for with anybody; God.

When I needed something, I learned to ask with my head bowed. I gave thanks though not always and did get much from God. His love for me is limitless. Even when I am away, he draws me closer.

I do believe and I have the advantage of having a father who other fathers get whatever they want from.
I believe

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That moment

There’s that moment that your realize you made a bad mistake
That moment that you realize your boyfriend set his priorities and you aren’t in the top four ( sniffing)
That same moment you know you can no longer complain because he doesn’t realize what that does to you
That he doesn’t realize you wish you could have walked away the day that you met him and maybe things would have been much easier
That you have to reset your priorities by taking him lower on the list and maybe out of the list totally
That moment that you look on his face unbelievably
You want to punch him but then it’s not worth the trouble
That feeling that you are insulted but you swallow your pride and walk away with the only pride you got left
That moment that on realizing that you are annoyed your friends call you up
And all you do is go for motorbike rides
And the wind feels great and the freedom feels great and you hold on to the rider like your life depends on it
You end up relaxed but at some point, you realize your running nose has just gotten worse and the chest you had forgotten about in your fight to find happiness has gotten worse
You are sneezing really bad ( holding a cup of lemon water and honey) and all you can do is tuck yourself early in bed.. 😦 😦
That moment…

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Broke week

Sunday morning was bright. Waking up and thinking that I have no cash and I have to go to church then visit a friend. Normally it’s usually church then sleep.

My uncle is a great person and he gives us a little weekly allowance when we are home and busy sending out CV to various places. So on Sunday, my two cousins and I were given this week’s allowance in the morning and I think we felt rich.

Hurried out of the house and went to Mamlaka Chapel where they are giving a great sermon series on why the prosperity gospel isn’t Christ like. We get there by bus and that is a little dent to our allowance. The pastor doesn’t disappoint. His sermon was great and you can get it by looking up Mamlaka Chapel. He reads the beatitudes and differentiates between a blessed man and the man Christ says, ‘ woe unto ‘

Two hours end fast and we are headed out to go visit a family friend who recently got a baby. As Africans, we naturally have to buy something for the family and that also is from our allowance. We get there and we are already imagining how the week will be like with the little amount left.

The baby is cute and we can’t regret visiting. One of my cousins leave early ( guys aren’t that into babies) and we are left.. We decide to watch a bit more of big bang theory season 8 and before we know it’s already 5 p.m. we catch a bus back to Nairobi town and we get there fast. Sunday was mothers day and my cousin decide we can walk around stalls and find something for her mum. This turned out to be a very bad idea because we shopped for ourselves and ended up very broke before the week even started.

This has led to new weekly resolutions.. .
a. No going to a place that requires fare
b. No buying airtime or data bundles
c. Carry your phone everywhere so that if someone calls, you don’t miss their call. No credit for calling back
d. No hanging out with friends who are thrifty. No money to spend
e. Next Sunday everyone will go their own way. And will solely avoid the market or clothes stalls.

It’s the broke week. Have a great one everyone and find my blogger sister in Salem and wish her the best week..

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Happy mothers day

I am supposed to have posted this yesterday but I didn’t.. so though a bit late, I want to wish all the mothers out there a happy day.

Speaking out of experience, mothers are the most selfless people I know. She will sleep hungry, brave the cold and stand up for their kids. They will take insults and sacrifice everything for their children. Mums are amazing and for every mother that will read this, I really respect and appreciate you. Your love is limitless. You love without boundaries and you are our joy.

We are all lucky to have mothers.. happy mothers day

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Adapting the African look

As I have written in my previous posts, I completed school and I wasted most of my pocket money on I don’t know what exactly. I am working on my project and waiting to graduate on December God willing.
Knowing that I am not a desk person and I love my African heritage, I am starting a small business with a few friend of selling Maasai Sandals and the Tanzanian Dira and some bedsheets. The diras are authentically African that’s why am deciding on them and I have a few images that I will post here for the sake of the few Kenyans who will visit the blog and also for those tourists who will visit and want to adopt the African look. I have nothing for men as of now but am hoping I will be able to get shirts from the coast of Kenya.
I would really appreciate if all of you ordered one. It will cost you around two thousand Kenyan shillings for a dira and sandals that is around twenty dollars.

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I am crossing fingers for this to go well.. will you cross with me??
I posted just a few photos but there are more..  email me at chegewinfred@gmail.com with a number and where you are in Nairobi

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Dear Kenyan pastors

Let me start by stating that I respect the men of God and that I love the good work the real ones of you are carrying out of spreading the gospel. That is the greatest commission.. go ye and make disciples.. amen?

Now, let me complain a little about you. It is during a wedding, all of us woke up very early. We took a shower and put on extra make up that we don’t know if it’s friendly to our faces. For the boyish of us who don’t know how to even stand in heels are actually walking in heels. And it’s breaking us. Our legs are aching. We barely took any meal in the morning so our stomachs are so empty.

For the single of us we also have to put up with questions from the entire clan when we are bringing home a guy. We have to dodge and get poked when the bride appears all beautiful. When we finally seat in church, we want you to hurry up and end this agony for us.. but wait, not you.. you are actually enjoying our agony… before pronouncing the couple man and wife, you first take your time.. preaching goes on for an hour.. I love the gospel but on this day, I don’t like it.. will you just hurry up and get done with it.. we want to go home to treat our swollen legs and get the darn make up off our faces.. thanks for understanding

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Dear dad

I have been postponing this for the fear that you will not recognize me from up there because the little girl you left with uneven teeth and great heart isn’t me anymore. I do know you might recognize the face but the body changed. All I want to tell you today is that I am almost okay. That life was hard when you left and that it was hard to come home everyday from school and know you won’t be there. It was hard not to have anybody on whose back to step on or someone who brought home chocolates.

Our dog fudgie ran towards the road every time a car or bus hooted and then when you didn’t appear, he just lay there whining and he made us all sadder than we were already. We all of your kids wished we had the courage he had of showing our pain, just that we didn’t. Two months after you left, mum brought fourth a daughter who looks like you. Right now she already turned fourteen and she is the most annoying thing that keeps us on our toes daily. She asks questions about you.

Life dear dad isn’t the same.. I can’t question anybody like I used to and I can’t rush my good results to anybody as I used to. Mum is there I know but she has been trying hard and I have learned to live with what I have. I know maybe you will smile because I pursued school like you always dreamed of but you know pretty much from up there that I didn’t pursue literature. I don’t know if I am happy but don’t get yourself worried, I will be fine. Sometimes I feel that I was forced to be mature than I wanted and to be stronger than I should be and it’s getting me worried. Maybe one day we will sit down and talk about it in heaven if we shall remember and then I can be your little girl.

Too much about myself.. Your oldest sons are doing good and I think sometimes they are crazy.  They have wives.. lodger that. I at times wish you could be there and hammer sense into their big heads physically but mum is doing pretty okay with her lectures.

Your bright two are in campus and they are taller than you are and you should look out and compare the heights.. They are doing good and when they were admitted to school, mum cried and said she wished you were there to see how hard they worked and maybe you could have kept your word.. I have no idea what word was that but we all smiled and said you were watching.
Now, I know how you loved your younger daughter. She is great and growing into a beautiful woman. She is lazy and enjoys the attention she gets for inheriting your dimples.. how could you let her have that and me I have none?? To make it worse, she has your hair while me… well I don’t want to get into a fight before I get to the last born that you left before mum delivered. You know how he used to look adorable and you had all his photos around, well, I hate to disappoint you but that is all gone. He has grown so tall and ugly that am sure you won’t take any other photos. His voice is breaking and he has the most gentle of souls just that you can’t take photos of the soul.. oh, I almost forgot, his smile is worth looking at.

I know it’s sad for you that you missed seeing us grow but it is also sad for us. We wanted you here but what can we do? And so you may know dad, I am clueless on how to treat a guy or what to think of them. I am grown up but not in that sector.. I would ask your brother but aaaaah, I think he would say am crazy. It would just have been amazing if you were here. And I would so totally tell you on how it is to have men trouble and have nobody to ask.

Oh, and your sons all want to join the security forces because that is where you worked. I hope they don’t because it’s getting pretty messed up in the country and they are sending young people to fight in Somalia. The level of corruption is higher than before and what is circulating is blood money. Can you help me convince them??

Your animals are well fed but we feasted on most sheep. The cows aren’t as healthy but they are still there. We haven’t moved to where you wanted us to move but we are working on that soon as I get job.

The witches are still around and multiplying. Your bar business was closed down and one of your friends didn’t pay the money.

Finally dad, my experience of calling your brothers dad isn’t a very good one. I know they try really hard but, man… something is amiss.

So long sir..I do love you

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