That song by Lecrae background got me worried. I am a Christian and I should be glad to say that I will play the background and let God take the lead. That means everything that I am to do is that which is his will and maintaining a sane mind in morals but I find that isn’t what happens in my life. I am attending the sociology of deviant classes and arguing that in my country prostitution should be legalized. I sit in my community development class and listen for three hours to why free condoms should offered to primary school kids and it seems to make sense. As I take down my notes without paying much attention to what I am writing, I find out that I just wrote on reasons why people are gay and one reason is that some are actually born gay. This doesn’t make sense since the first thing I learned is ‘ we are human beings not by birth but by socialization ‘ .
I don’t know what to think of anymore. Almost every person around me is a Christian yet none of us say what we think. Our lecturer advises us that sex is good to keep us jovial and good health. It’s the twenty first century and I no longer seem to know what is right or wrong. When everybody pays a small or big price to have something which they deserve to be done for them. When I stand in a moral issues class and write an essay that supports abortion and listen to the lecturer say that unwanted pregnancy is that growth that you don’t want on your body and you can easily have it removed.
It’s in this place that I can’t trust a person who calls themselves a man of God, who I was raised to believe that he can be held as a parent. That surprised look that is on my face when he asks a very weird question and I no longer know if there is any trustworthy among them. My sanity looks like insanity and what I believed in as sanity is insanity.
I don’t know how to maintain my sanity any longer. The world’s moral decay has started leaking and soiling me and it feels like ‘ fiddlers on a roof’ and is struggling really hard to keep his balance. The world feels like a circus and I am darn dizzy and tempted to let go of sanity. My trail of thought is corrupted by the decay and I hope it wouldn’t start oozing of insanity before I get a grip of my sanity.
I tune on the song ‘ at your feet’ by Casting Crowns and think of how much I will lose if I let go of sanity. I decide to fight with all I got before letting go and declaring defeat, but I can still feel it inside me.. I am at the verge of insanity
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