Just from a long walk and I stink of sweat. I don’t feel like taking a shower and I feel moody so  I am sitting on the rooftop of hall 20. Down is the beautiful view of the city. I am thinking of my life and listening to music. The first song in my playlist is by Matt Maher and the lyrics in the first line are catching ‘ you are not alone, if you are lonely, when you feel afraid you are not the only. We are all the same…’  I keep listening until one song takes me back to last year.

This song is a simple song with strong beats and why it takes me back is because it was forwarded to me by a friend I made when we had all Africa universities games. I can’t help but smile and those memories. Walking around town and discussing the similarity between Kenya’s capital and Ghanaian capital. Standing at a pedestrian crossing sign and waiting for buses to pass, avoiding being hit by people of the city who always seem to be in a hurry.

Meeting the young girl who was twelve who had her own kid. Helping our friend pick a cover for her phone and talking about the way a Nairobi hawker ran away from the city council and I had to run after her because she had my money. Talking about how one settled their debt in a hotel the Kenyan way if you had no money.. the hotel owners make you peel potatoes.

As I remember this, my mind seems to be diverting to the present. I wish we could go back to that year when all I did worry about is winning the African games. All I did was jog to keep fit. I know you can’t get. But times I feel lost. I do not know where I am going , that is if I am going anywhere. When I try to evaluate if I am really happy or I have let people around me define what is happiness. I wonder what I really love doing and whether I do it or do I do what I have been made to believe I love. That feeling like I no longer know anything about myself. When I reflect and remember that I have been laughing hollow laughs and nothing touched my heart. It was just on my lips. That feeling that everybody around me expects something of me and I am being pulled down by their expectations. When I don’t know if I am living the present or just waking up and reliving the past.

Finally my playlist wakes me up ‘ life gets tough, it times gets hard…. ‘ that’s the song Seventh time down. I am giving the beautiful city one last glance before I get off the roof. Off the memory lane.

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